Loving Mothers
by loveofwriting
Summary: A woman disappeared in the 40's, her skull was crushed...secrets will emerge, what really happened? A bit of romancing between Scotty and Lilly... **Chapter 22 is now up, please review**
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Cold Case, nor its characters…I also do not own any on the songs used in this story.

**Author's note**: First Cold Case Fanfiction, I recently became addicted and enjoyed reading some of the Fanfictions here. Please read and review! Let me know what you think 

**Loving Mothers**

Flashback:

**1938**

_(This can't be love: Benny Goodman)_

_This can't be love, because I feel so well,  
No sobs, no sorrows, no sighs.  
This can't be love; I get no dizzy spells,  
My head is not in the skies._

"_-Hello pretty lady" Sue looked up and smiled at the handsome man who just entered the kitchen. She quickly cleaned her hands full of batter._

"_-Guess who just got promoted?" he said, taking her in his arms for a spin._

"_- Mister Davis, you are crazy" she could not stop laughing_

"_- Crazy about you Mrs Davis". He kissed her deeply and finally let go of her. She started whistling to the music the radio was playing, put her hands back in the batter while her husband went outside. She could see him out of the window, reaching down for a little girl with his dark hair and her clear eyes. She could hear them laughing._

"_Ok sweety, I have to go change before dinner, why don't you go help your mother dressing the table." Katherine was still whistling when her daughter entered the room._

"_Mom, mom. Grandma said ladies were not supposed to whistle. She says it is not lady like." Her beautiful, joyful face suddenly turned a bit more serious as she turned to her daughter._

"_And what else did grandma say?_

_- She said that a lady needed to know her place if she wanted to be happy in this world. She also said that daddy was not from our world. What did she mean? Daddy is just like us._

_- Yes sweety, daddy is just like us. Well, grandma is talking from a different time, darling. You, my love, will achieve great things and you might even be able to whistle once in awhile. Come here"_

_- The little girl put her head in her mother's neck and whispered: "I love you mummy"_

"_I love you too sweety pie"_

_My heart does not stand still, just hear it beat.  
This is too sweet to be love.  
This can't be love, because I feel so well,  
But still I love to look in your eyes._

* * *

**Philadelphia – 2008**

"Lil', Scotty, new case."

Lilly slowly stood up. She had not slept well the night before. It had been awhile since she had dreamt about the shooting but it had all come back as she was closing her eyes while drifting to sleep. Even the morning coffee did not seem to wake her up. "Scotty looks tired as well", she thought, "hmmm probably another lady in his life". They both did not have much luck with their personal life since they had become partners.

" New Case? I thought we only were taking care of the old ones…

- Vera, stop looking at my doughnuts, we already established that we were not close enough"

Kat and Vera's usual bickering brought a small smile to Lilly's lips.

"So new case?

- Glad somebody finally asks" Stillman replied. "Sue Davis. Female, 32 years old, disappeared in 1943. Her remains were just found at a construction site. It made the headlines at the time. Her parents were the Barringtons, very powerful and rich family. They offered quite a consequent reward for any tips leading to her recovery.

- Do we know the cause of death?

- Her skull was crushed.

- How do we know it's her?

- Well…she still had her necklace and wedding ring. They were both in bad shape but after some work, they were able to read the inscriptions. Her necklace had her maiden maid as well as her baptism date and her wedding ring was engraved "I love you birdie". We could find those descriptions in the file.

- Any relatives still alive?

- Her husband, her daughter and her younger brother. Her husband is now 96, he was gone when his wife went missing.

- Gone?

- Germany, battlefields. He did not find out about it until he came back in 1946. He fought to get his daughter's custody. Lost. Not enough money against the Barrington's empire. He lives in the Cathedral Village in the Andorra neighborhood.

- Does he know we found his wife?

- Not yet.

- Valens and I will go there, Kat and Vera why don't you pay a visit to her brother. By the way where is Will?

- He took the day off."

They all looked at each other, remembering what this particular date meant for their friend and colleague. It was the anniversary of his wife's death. He had made an habit of spending this day alone, eating at their favourite restaurant, visiting her grave, doing things they used to enjoy doing together.

"Ok, then Scotty, let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

Please read and review :-) Thanks!

**Chapter 2**

As they climbed into the car, they were silent for awhile, both lost in their thoughts until Scotty started up the conversation.

"This case is going to be difficult Lil'. I mean it's really dating back.

- not the first one we had which goes back. By the way, I don't know if you want to know but I got news from Christina." She just could not help it, to bring her up.

The fact that he had an affair with her sister had hurt, more than she thought but Christina and her had history, a shaky one.

"Listen Lil', honestly I don't really want to know what she's up to. I got a message from her too.

- Oh, you did…ok…

- Listen Lil' don't turn all ice queen on me right now. I mean I can feel the cold air in the car.

- Thanks Scotty."

But their smile just showed that they understood one another. Christina had hurt things but their friendship was strong.

"We're there.

- Ok, let's see what he can remember. 96, the man must have plenty of stories stored in his mind.

- But I bet you that his wife disappearing is one that sticks."

Lilly and Scotty made their way through the retirement home and were directed to where John Davis was now living.

"Mister Davis? Detectives Rush and Valence from homicide.

- It's about Sue, isn't it?"

Lilly and Scotty looked quickly at each other, a bit surprised.

"You know, it's not because I'm ancient that I do not remember and I have been expecting you a long time ago.

- So, you always thought your wife was dead.

- My Sue would have never left us willingly. She was writing to me everyday when I was fighting the Germans. She did not send all of them. She kept some letters at home. I found them when I finally came back. In all of these letters, she was telling me her plans for the future, for our future. I tried to tell the police back then that she could not just have left but…"

He stopped for awhile, out of breath. He looked his age, no doubt about that, but the blue eyes still kept their intensity and tears were starting to form.

"I'm sorry, I just need a minute.

- Take your time, Mister Davis."

Looking around the room, Lilly could not help but notice a few black and white photographs. She picked one up, showing a very handsome couple with a little girl. Instead of looking at the objective, the man and the woman were smiling, looking at each other.

"She was beautiful, wasn't she?

- Yes, she was. Mister Davis, do you know of anybody would have wanted to hurt your wife?

- I tried to think about somebody who would have wanted to, but I never came across even one name. She was loved by everybody, I was not.

- What do you mean, you were not?

- Well, my Sue came from a rich family. They had the money, they had the name, I had nothing. Sue chose me.

- So, she lost touch with them?

- No, because that would have seen even worse to them, so they kept in touch, reminding her everytime they saw her or our little Julie that I was beneath them. But, they would not have touched a hair of her head. They took my daughter but she is like her mom, you know? As soon as she got older, she found a way to find me and we've always keep in touch since then. She is quite somebody, a writer...I kept on thinking and thinking about who could have wanted to harm Sue...Don't you think maybe somebody who did not know her killed her? Every single person who knew her just fell for her kindness.

- It's a possibility but we want to make sure that we look at it in all possible angles. Do you remember anything suspicious before you left? Anything at all?"

_Flashback 1942:_

_A woman with long, dark, wavy hair was holding on to the neck of a man in uniform. _

"_Sue, you got to let me go._

_- Please, let me take you to the station._

_- Baby, we already talked about it, I will not be able to leave if I see your face. You promised, you would stay at home with Julie. Come on Sue, put a smile on your face. I want to remember you smiling not crying." She let go of him and lowered her head. He gently took her face in his hands and started to sing softly:_

If I were Lord Byron,

I'd write you, sweet siren,

A poem inspirin',

A killer diller-oo

Too bad, I'm no poet,

I happen to know it,

But anyway,

Here's a roundelay,

That I wrote last night about you.

_Her red lips were trembling but she was smiling and her brown eyes were looking tenderly at him. She whispered the end of the song:_

You are to me ev'rything,

My life to be, ev'rything,

When in my sleep you appear,

Fair skies of deep blue appear,

Each time our lips touch again,

I yearn for you, oh, so much again,

You are my fav'rite star,

My haven in heaven above

You are ev'rything I love

_Then, she kissed him deeply: "Come back to us soldier because your women can't live without you, we'll be waiting right here and I'll be whistling in the kitchen making you your favorite pie on the day of your return. I love you John._

_I love you too birdie." He closed the door behind him._

_End of flashback_

"-Birdie?

- that was one of her nicknames, she sang like a bird and she whistled like one too.

- Whistled?

- For women it was not ladylike but she would do it anyhow. That was the last time I saw her, if I had known, I would never have left her.

- You did not have a choice.

- We always have a choice.

- John, you can't rewrite history and sometimes, people do not have a choice."

Scotty put his hand on the old man's shoulder. Lily could not help but thinking that Elisa, his girlfriend who committed suicide, was probably on his mind as he said that. She turned back to John:

"Do you still have those letters you told us about?

- Yes, they're in those boxes up there.

- Do you mind if we take a look at them?

- Not at all.

- We'll keep you informed, John. Thanks for your time."

Scotty and Lilly left the old man who had taken a photograph in his hands and had started to sing softly.

"They were happy, war happened and he lost everything.

- Our job is not the happiest Scotty but remember we help the ones who stayed behind and no one deserves to be forgotten.

- Well, let's see what Vera and Kat were able to find, that is if they did not kill each other over a doughnut on the way."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer**_: sadly I do not own Cold Case, nor the characters…sometimes I even think I do not own the ideas in my head nor the fingers typing away cos I can't seem to control them

_**A/N:**_ Thank you so much for the reviews, really made my day. Keep them coming and for all those other hits on the story, just press the button at the end and write a few words. I'm even ready for constructive criticism... Just don't make me cry.

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**Chapter 3**

Back to the office, Kat and Vera were silently going over some papers. No bickering, no joking around, they seem to be deeply absorbed. Food was on their table but they did not even seem to have touched it.

Scotty and Lilly looked at each other, smiling…

Scotty took the first shot:

"Wow, is everything alright? Food on the table? No disturbing noises coming from your collaboration? So, what's up? Did you cut each other's tongues or something?" The way they both glanced at him made him stop right away. Lilly turned back to professional mode.

"So, did you find anything interesting?"

"Her brother started to cry as soon as we told him, I've never seen an old man cry like a baby like this. Man, I've never seen anybody weep like he did. It was heart breaking and I'm the one using chick words right now so you know I ain't joking. He could not talk for awhile, his wife was just holding him. After what seemed like forever, he turned to us and simply said it was his fault." Nick sighted.

"His fault?" Scotty asked, surprised.

"I mean, if I read the report correctly and English might not be the first language of my family but I think I can read ok, the kid was 15 when his sisters disappeared."

"Well, it would not be the first time we have a child or teenager doing something." Lilly said, then paused remembering that one case, where the brother of a rape victim had shot the monster. They tried their best to make it appear as legitimate defense and it worked. They had received a gift from them, a picture dating of before the rape where the sister was holding the brother smiling. They had written on the frame: "Thank you for keeping us together." They had put the picture on one of the walls in the files room as a reminder that they could help people, that their job was worth all the sleepless nights and the hurt in their eyes knowing that evil was human.

"Well, did he explain how it was his fault?"

"He just said he should have taken better care of her. He apparently had promised John, her husband, to make sure nothing would happen to her or to Julie, their daughter. He explained that they were supposed to meet when she disappeared. She had seemed sad and not herself for a month or two before that. He does not seem to know what it was about. And then, he just broke down again. I mean, looking at him, you would have forgotten his age, he really just looked like a lost 15 years old again." Kat explained.

"So he's not our doer" Scotty said, shaking his head, thinking how this case was just going to be really difficult.

"If he is, the guy should have gone into acting; he would have won an Oscar or something". Vera replied.

"So what's your angle?" Lilly turned to Scotty. She was teasing him and they all knew it except Kat who looked a bit lost when they all laughed. They could remember when Scotty had started in homicide with them thinking he was a big shot and all.

"I mean what's so funny? Homicide got a toll on you, can't look at a case and have a bit of sympathy." She asked, rolling her eyes.

"Calm down, superwoman, it's not about that. Sometimes you just got to laugh to remember why you're doing that job, for those who can't do it anymore" Vera sounded serious.

"I'll let the superwoman comment go, since I'm happy you finally got the fact that women rule in this team but…I gotta say very surprised you can find some deep thoughts in this doughnut brain."

The tension was gone for a few minutes before Stillman got out of his office.

"So, how is the case?" he asked

"Not an easy one boss, not many witnesses and the ones left apparently loved her too much to do anything to her." Lilly replied.

"We did get letters she sent or meant to send to her husband, maybe we can find something there" Scotty added.

"Well, she loved to write. Her brother gave us diaries, two of them, full of short stories and thoughrs. We're going through them right now." Kat explained quickly.

Stillman turned to them nodding.

"I found the daughter. She will be coming in later this afternoon. Scotty, Lilly, how about you talk to her?"

"Sure boss" Lilly replied.

"And since my boss already answered for the both of us, I guess it's a go for me too."

"Well, Kat said it best, women rule this team. No offense, boss"

Stillman smiled: "none taken."

He walked back to his office and closed the door softly. He sat down on his chair and took a letter he had left on his desk. He read it several times before throwing it in the trash. He sat without moving for a few minutes before turning to the phone.

"Dr Reynold? Hello John Stillman here. I need to talk to you. Tomorrow will be fine". He hung up and went back to the paperwork he had been working on before talking to his team.

"So…any reason you're not picking up your phone Scotty? I mean if you're not going to talk to whoever is calling you, you might as well turn it off or at least put it in silence. Little lady we do not know is pursuing you?" Vera asked.

Lilly turned to Scotty. She did not have to say a word for him to know what she was asking him. The look on her face had it written all over: "Is it Christina?".

He shook his head, No, it was not Christina this time, it was Alexandra but he did not want to talk about it. Another relationship failure…He quite did not get why he just could not make it work. He really liked her; it had started to develop into more than just a booty call but his temper and their different views on the job had turned out to be quite an obstacle. He knew he was going to return her call but not right now. He turned back to the stack of letters on his desk. They seemed to all start the same way: "My dear love" Not very original, he tought, but the tenderness and passion Sue had for her husband jumped out of the words.

His concentration was disrupted by another ring, he looked at his cell phone but he realized it was not his.

"People, it is starting to be annoying" Vera muttered.

Lilly glanced at called ID, "unknown number". She turned even paler than usual and stood up, feeling the eyes on Scotty on her as she was walking away to pick up.

* * *

_**A/N**_: hmmm hope you liked it. I'll try to post the next chapter tomorrow or latest Monday. Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Still do not own Cold Case, still do not own the characters… too bad so sad

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews!! It makes the sun shining inside even when it is pouring rain outside when I see the emails "FanFiction review alert". Please keep the sun shining and press the button at the end. Could not wait until Monday to finish this chapter, so here it is...Enjoy!

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**Chapter 4:**

Scotty could not sit still, he was trying to concentrate on the letters, trying to find even one small detail which would mean they have what could resemble a lead.

He was trying but not very good at succeeding, every minute he would look up and try to guess Lilly in the hallway. He could see his slender figure pacing back and forth but he could not hear any words she was saying and most importantly to whom. He thought he had an idea. The way her face had turned a shade whiter and her blue eyes frozen with pain. The last time he had seen her that way was when Christina had walked back into her life and went straight into his.

What she had said to him then had been as if he was being punched in the stomach. They hurt each other, that's for sure.

_Flashback_

"_Ok, enough with the ice queen Lil. Just hit me with it alright."_

"_I have nothing to say"_

"_You want to drop this thing. Great. But you ain't dropping it. You gave me daggers all day long."_

"_Of course you don't deserve that"_

"_Lil' I'm an adult. I don't need your permission to go out with someone. "_

"_It's not someone. It's my sister."_

"_So what? What's that to you?"_

"_You lied to my face."_

"_You asked me in front of everybody. I'm going to say with the boss right there. Yeah Chris and me are stepping out."_

"_Oh ok you're right, lying was the right thing."_

"_I'm going to see who I want Lil'. "_

"_Great, great. God Bless"_

"_I can't help whatever happens 9 years ago."_

"_She's trouble."_

"_Well maybe to me she's not. "_

_"Fine, Scotty but whoring it out with a cocktail waitress won't bring back your dead girlfriend."_

_End of Flashback_

Christina had disappeared right after he took her defense with a New York cop. He should have known better but he was in a bad position at that time. He still could not believe that Elisa had jumped, if he listened to himself, a small part still would like to believe she did not. Christina had appeared to be good medicine but as usual his desire to see more into it, to make something out of it, had meant a tare in his friendship with Lilly and he looking like a fool when Christina did not show up at a meeting with the New York cop. She became a fugitive for credit card fraud. The message she had left him the day before was simple: "Hey Scotty, I'm sorry, I...I...need you." She had sounded scared and he could just imagine her almost crying as she muttered the words. Muttered, that would be the correct description, since she also sounded quite drunk. _"Ok man, concentrate on the damn case, reliving the past won't erase it. You should know, you work cold case."_ Scotty told himself, smiling at the irony of it all. He gave one last look to the blonde silhouette, which now was resting against the wall in the hallway, and buried himself back under work.

Lilly knew Scotty was still watching her. She did not have to look back inside the room to know it. He probably even figured out who was on the phone.

As soon as she read "unknown number", she had to pick it up. She had sworn her out of her life and to wash her hands off of her but since their mom had died, she was really her only family left. The voicemail she had gotten yesterday had told her that her sister was once more in trouble. Surprising? Not really…but the fact that Lilly was trying to make sense out of Christina's drunken rumble was more than surprising, it was astonishing to Lilly.

"Lil' Lil' are you there? Did, did…you pick up?

- Yes Chris, I'm here

- Wow you did real- really pick up?

- Chris, what do you want?

- I want my sister back" and then she started sobbing uncontrollably.

"_That's what alcohol does to you_" thought Lilly, trying to keep her calm "_It multiplies every feeling thousand times or it just shuts you down before killing you anyhow one way or another._"

"Chris, where are you?" Lilly asked, sighting.

"I can't tell you, you'll tell the cops" Chris replied still crying

"Listen, what do you want? You said you needed help, what's going on? I mean you have been out of my life for almost 3 years" Lilly's voice was rising, she could sense the usual anger coming when she was talking to her sister.

"I tried to reach Mom, Lil'. She...she not picking up"

Lilly's heart sank at the thought her sister just did not know anything that happened during the time she had disappeared from her life.

"Lil' you still there? You can't hang up. I'm not doing good. Where is mom?" Chris asked between tears.

"Mom is dead, Chris." Lil' did not know how to say it in an easier way. Tears were forming in her eyes as she had to remember what her words meant.

"She? what? When?" Chris asked after a few minutes of silence and downing another shot of tequila.

"Dead. She passed away. She is no longer." How many ways were there to say it? Lil' wondered.

"Oh my god, oh my god" Chris repeated for a few minutes.

"Listen Chris, where are you? What's going on? You don't call for years, you run away from the police and suddenly you call me and Scotty…" Lil could not finish her sentence as Chris interrupted her.

"Scotty…" Chris whispered

"I need him, I need help. I called him too, he did not pick up. Is he around? Can I talk to him?"

Lilly glanced quickly towards the desk where Scotty was sitting. He seemed to be concentrated on the letters and she had to admit, she was not ready for a Chris/Scotty reunion.

"It was not like Patrick, Lil'. It was not but I let him down too just I always do to you." Hearing the name of Patrick in her sister's mouth was too much for Lilly. Why did she always have to bring him back? Images were flashing in her head.

_Flashback 12 years ago_

_A blonde woman was driving back from work. She was smiling singing the tune from the radio:_

You and me, we come from different worlds  
You like to laugh at me when I look at other girls  
Sometimes you're crazy then you wonder why  
I'm such a baby 'cause the Dolphins make me cry  
But there's nothing I can do  
I've been looking for a girl like you

_She could not remember the last time she had been that happy. She glanced at the ring on her finger overwhelmed with happiness as she recalled what it meant. Patrick had finally proposed to her. They were going to have a normal, happy life. Her family loved him and he was her rock. She could lean on him after an hard day, she could lean on him when her family was too much for her. She could finally let her guard down. Something she had not been able to do since Ray._

_Her sister and she had gone dress shopping the evening before, giggling like school girls when Lilly put on THE dress, the one she knew was going to make Patrick gasp when he saw her. It was hard to believe for her that happiness was finally part of her world, she was not thinking as often about her dark childhood as she lay at night in her fiance's arms._

_She parked the car close to her apartment complex and she was still singing as she walked up stairs:_

You look at me, you got nothing left to say  
I'm gonna pout at you until I get my way  
I won't dance, you won't sing  
I just wanna love you but you wanna wear my ring  
But there's nothing I can do  
I only wanna be with you  
You can call me a fool  
I only wanna be with you

_As she opened the door, she could smell alcohol which did not surprise her too much. Patrick sometimes liked to make them cocktail after a long day at work._

_She took off her shoes and her coat and went towards the bedroom. She froze when she heard soft laughs coming from the room she shared with her soon to be husband. She stood still for a minute as it dawned on her that she knew the sound of this female laugh. She shook her head in disbelief and opened her bedroom door. The way she felt as she saw Patrick laying next to her sister, his arm around her and her head on his chest could not be described as anything but if somebody had put a dagger through her heart. She stayed mute as she registered what she was seeing. _

_Patrick and Chris both sat up. Chris muttering in her alcoholic gaze "I'm sorry, Lil. Please look at me", while Patrick was trying to find his clothes. _

_Lilly finally recovered her ability to speak and she did not yell, she could not yell because she could not fight to keep what they had. It was worthless now. _

_She had tears in her voice as she talked:_

"_Get out! Both of you, out of this apartment, out of my life". She was trying to fight the sadness, she did not want to give them the pleasure of seeing her weaker than now._

_Patrick started to plead: "Lil' it did not mean anything, I swear. Just had too many shots. I love you Lil', don't throw it all out."_

_Lilly pressed her lips together, looked straight at him with a glance that could have froze him: "You banging my sister means you threw it all out. You in my bed with my sister so soon before waiting for me in Church means you threw it all out. You in bed next to my sister means we're over. You in bed next to my sister means there was no love. You in bed next to my sister means that I want you both out of my life now." She laughed cynically: "God Patrick, you are still naked next to my sister and you tell me you love me. How pathetic." _

_Lilly shot a look at her sister. Chris looked horrified as if she finally realized that what she had done could not be fixed. It was not one of her drunken usual screw ups when it ended up with Lilly telling her it would all be ok. It was a point of no return. She slowly stood up, found her clothes and left, telling Lilly one more time "I'm sorry Lil'". Patrick tried to plead longer but his words were against a wall of ice. He realized he could not say anything that would bring the warm smile on Lilly's lips and for some reason he wanted to hurt her for not forgiving him the unforgivable: "You brought it all on you Lil', could have been a little warmer" She stood still, while he gathered his stuff and walked out taking with him the last happy moments she could remember, leaving behind a woman broken. When Lilly heard the door slammed, she ran to the bathroom and threw up, she brushed her teeth, changed into something comfortable, looked at her bed where the sheets they had slept on were still there and directed herself to the couch. She cuddled, a blanket over her and started to cry._

Lilly had frozen in time and the voice of her sister brought her back to reality.

"Chris, I cannot talk right now." She hung up.

True, Scotty was not like Patrick and the situation was not the same but it had hurt and hit her more than she ever would have thought.

She shook her head as if to put away to the memory of this conversation and walked back to the office. She did not want to think about what was wrong with her sister this time, she did not want to be brought back to the pain. All she wanted to do was to bury herself in work.

As she sat down, Scotty glanced at her with worried eyes.

"Everything ok?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know" Lilly replied, surprised by her own honesty.

"Talk later?"

"Hmmm…" She seemed to think about it. "Sure" She finally answered.

They were distracted by a woman entering, she was tall, had long brown, wavy hair, with some streaks of grey in it Lilly could almost see Sue Davis as she would look like if she had reached this age, until she looked at them. Her blue eyes were reminiscent of her dad's. She looked sad and her voice was not sure when she said:

"Hello, I'm Julie Davis. I've been asked to come here. It's about my mother."

Lilly stood up:

"Hello Ms Davis, Detectives Rush and Valens, if you could follow us please."

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**A/N:** hmmm what do you think? Let me know, please pretty pretty please. Next chapter should be up on Monday that is if my fingers do not decide to start working on it earlier…They already wrote a bit more than planned today…and they want to put some fluff in the story soon. Back to real life. Anybody wants to clean for me?


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer**_: Do not own cold case, do not own the characters, I do own my imagination though…

_**A/N:**_ Please please review…reviews keep me going. Please pretty please. Don't want to sound too dramatic or anything but please?

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**Chapter 5**

Nick and Kat were still reading the diaries when Kat suddenly realized how late it was.

"I have to go. I'm already late."

"Yeah yeah pretend like you have a life or something." Nick said.

"Well, I do have a daughter, remember?" Kat replied, sharply.

While Vera was trying to find a smart ass comeback, she was already out of the door.

"I can't believe I stayed that late again today. For crying out loud, those cases just take over your life." She was mad at herself for not spending more time with her daughter and promised herself to do something special over the week-end with her.

Vera started to pack up his things to head back to his apartment. He turned around to see where Lilly and Scotty were and realizing they were busy with a witness, he left the office. "Can't wait for first Thursdays" He thought as he was closing the door behind him, going home alone.

"Please sit down Ms Davis" said Lilly

"Call me Julie. I talked to my dad and he explained to me that you found her" Julie Davis responded, with a heavy sigh.

"We know it's hard for you. We would really appreciate any help you can give us in this matter."

"I'll try my best, it seems all so fuzzy to me. I was so young the last time I saw her. I was 4 years old. When you're that age you don't think people you love will ever disappear and I lost my mom, almost lost my dad…I lost my world when she disappeared. Sometimes, I even think that whatever I remember are just dreams or nightmares I put in my mind."

"Nightmares?"

"I remember one night, I heard screaming. My mom never screamed. It was maybe 4 months before she disappeared. She was saying something about "never coming back", about "not touching her ever again"". I think I started crying but she did not come. She always came when I cried at night and it happened quite a bit after my dad left. But this time, she did not come and after she just seemed a bit different."

"What do you mean by different?"

"Well for the 5 years old that I was, I jus felt something was not right. She did not laugh anymore, she just seemed she was dragging on, just smiling at me but not at life anymore like she used to. I don't know, I'm just trying to make sense of it all."

"We understand Ms Davis."

"I think my dad is not going to be with us much longer, he has seemed to be waiting just for her to be found, to finally let go. I don't know if it's possible but please, try to find who did this is to her, not for me, for him." She pleaded and for a split second, Scotty and Lilly saw a scared 5 years old in front of them instead of the dignified, mature 70 years old writer.

Lilly took her hand: "We'll do our best, we promise you."

After walking her out, Scotty turned to Lilly.

"So, still up for a drink?"

"Is that just a way to not be alone while trying to look for a Charlene Scotty?" She teased him.

"Hey, don't forget what happens in Nashville stays in Nashville." He smiled back at her, remembering their trip to Tennessee two years ago.

_Flashback Nashville_

_**Charlene**__: Oh, hi there, Detective Rush.  
__**Lilly**__**:**__ Uh, hi there, Charlene.  
__**Scotty**__: __(buttoning his shirt)__ We were just... uh...  
__**Charlene**__: Oh, I was just pushing off so... g'night now.  
__**Scotty**__: Uh, yeah, g'night._

_**Lilly**__: Oh, you're just cheap Christmas trash, aren't you?  
__**Scotty**__: Southern people are just so... friendly?  
__**Lilly**__: And you didn't want to come to Tennessee.  
__**Scotty**__: Look, Lil, how 'bout we make a pact here?  
__**Lilly**__: What happens is Nashville stays in Nashville?  
__**Scotty**__: Exactly that.  
__**Lilly**__: __(tapping him on the shoulder)__ Scotty Valens. Back in the saddle._

_End of Flashback_

"Plus, Lil' if it's just you and me having a drink, the ladies will think I'm taken."

"Oh well I guess no Charlenes for you tonight then. Where do you want to go? Same old, same old?"

"How about we go some place else? We're already going there tomorrow for First Thursday"

"Some place else, I don't know if I'm up for change"

"Come on, a girl who almost got hitched at 19 years old can take some risks 30 years old later."

"30 years? Ouch that hurts"

"Valens 1 – Rush 0"

"Yeah yeah, so what's this mysterious place you want to take poor old grandma to?"

"Surprise" Scotty replied with a grin.

Lilly had almost forgotten what she wanted to talk to him about but as she remembered, her face turned more serious.

"Can we talk in this place?"

"Of course Lil', so you ready to go or do you need to go get your walker?" he laughed as she gently punched his shoulder.

He opened the door for her thinking how nice it was to see his partner finally relax a bit.

In the car, they talked about the case, argued about possible murder reasons or people who could have killed Sue Davis.

As Scotty stopped and parked, he turned to Lilly.

"How about tonight, we don't talk about a case"

"Sure but Scotty, we're both cops, both working cold cases, I give this not talking about cases about two hours."

"Nah, after two hours, you won't be thinking about cold cases anymore, not in this place."

She looked up and saw the sign of the bar/restaurant they were standing in front of "Cuba Libre".

As then went it, the owner came to greet Scotty "Hola Primo, como estas? Quien es?" he asked while looking approvingly at Lilly.

"Hey Armando, here is Lilly Rush, we work together"

"Nice to meet you Lilly" He kissed her on the cheek. Lilly turned to Scotty, a bit surprised, and saw he could not help himself but laughing.

"Welcome to Cuba Lilly"

"Armando, got a nice table for us?"

"Sure, follow me upstairs." He led them to a corner table, isolated from the crowd.

"Two cuba libre?" He asked. They both nodded.

"Hey Primo, don't be a stranger" Armando said to Scotty as he was going towards the bar.

"So, I'm guessing this is where you spend your lonely evenings"

"No, this is where I go where I just want to forget about work and my cousin here makes the best Cuba Libre in town."

"I guess I'll just have to try it then."

After a short moment of silence, they both started to speak at once, looked at each other and laughed.

"Come on grandma, you go first."

"Thanks youngster. First, I'm not really older than you Scotty. I'm just more mature."

He laughed and she just rolled her eyes not able to hide her smile.

"I…I wanted to talk to you about Chris" she said it very reluctantly as she did not want to ruin their moment of peace but she also could not forget the phone conversation she had with her sister. Scotty glanced at her, a bit uncomfortable and then replied:

"Hey Lil' how about we enjoy our first and second drinks, talk about why you did not get married at 19, or why your cats either miss an eye or a leg and then we'll move on to other topics."

"Let's not talk about our sad stories right away then" Lilly answered.

Scotty looked up surprised

"You just did not quote from a Tom Cruise movie."

"And Scotty, you just did not know from which movie I quoted." She laughed.

"So we both have taste for girlie movies." She went on

"Well, the fact that I do just means I have a soft side or that I dated women with soft sides. What's your excuse?"

"Believe it or not Scotty, sometimes, I like to just watch a movie where I don't have to think much and where I know there will be a happy ending." Lilly replied softly.

They talked non stop for a couple of hours about anything ranging to sports, to high school times, to politics and cheese steaks. They did not touch on their past relationships and waited for their third drink to open up the case which hurt their friendship.

"So…Chris…" Scotty started

"Yeah…She is in trouble, yet again…and I don't know what to do. She did not even know that our mom is dead, she knows nothing of what happened since she just left." Lilly could not bring herself to look into Scotty's warm eyes as she was talking about her sister. He noticed and he understood it but he did not want another wall to build up. He put his hand on top of hers and was surprised to see how natural it felt.

"Lil' if Chris really needs help, you know she'll call you again or me for that matter. And I wanted to say, I'm not in the same situation as before, I know better now and I'm here for you. You know, if you need me."

She smiled "I know you are, all I have to do is say "hey" right?"

"I just wish I could help her, and I don't know if I should tell the cops she called or if it's better to just wait. I'm lost when it comes to saving her." Lilly continued.

"Call me crazy but I learned the hard way you cannot save somebody who does not want to be saved."

"Crazy" Lilly was gazing at him with understanding eyes as she knew that again Scotty did not have it easy in his relationships. She realized surprisingly that his hand was still on hers and she entangled her fingers into his for a few minutes before gathering her coat.

"So ready to go?" she asked.

They started to make their way out but Armando stopped them.

"Hey Primo no quieres bailar?"

"Con tigo?"

"No no cabron con ti amiga"

Lilly was standing next to them, looking at couples on the dancefloor.

Scotty was hesitating, dancing salsa with Detective Rush could be ackward even though they had grew closer than ever, he still did not know if she would not put a stop to it.

He was shocked when she gave her coat to Armando, took off her vest and looked daring at Scotty  
"Your cousin is right Scotty, how about you show me what you can do"

"You understand Spanish, and more importantly, you dance salsa?"

"Hey, remember, I am the gal who almost got hitched, who jumps on motorcycles, and now you know I also can salsa".

Scotty did not want to be asked twice. He took off his coat and directed Lilly in between the other couples.

_A este pobre corazon que anda por alli buscando  
A este pobre corazon que se anda enamorando  
Que le importa si despues me paso el tiempo llorando,  
me paso el tiempo llorando_

Scotty and Lilly were dancing as if they had practiced for months. She was following his lead and was really letting go.

_A este pobre corazon que anda buscando cariño  
A este pobre corazon y no senté como un niño  
Romantico, Soñador, Caballero, Aventurero  
Quien le hace del amor, me hace sufrir, me hace llorar_

She was feeling secure and their bodies were closer than they had ever been before.

_No vale la pena, no vale la pena enamorarse  
No vale la pena, no vale la pena enamorarse  
El amor te da la vida y tambien te la quita  
Cada vez que te enamoras y luego terminas  
No vale la pena, no vale la pena enamorarse  
No vale la pena, no vale la pena enamorarse  
Pero que le voy a hacer si son los sentimientos  
Ese pobre corazon que nunca me hace caso_

He was surprised by how well she knew how to dance, especially since there were so many different kind of salsas. She was dancing as if she knew that everything that mattered was the music and just following your partner. _"Lilly Rush following, I would have never guessed"_ He whispered in her ear before making her turn again. She looked up surprised and laughed.

When the song came to an end, they were both out of breath. Armando was standing with their coats and smiled as he said: "Primo, looks like you found a match"

As Scotty was dropping Lilly off, the silence in the car was no longer ackward, it was natural.

He turned to her:

"Did you understand the lyrics?"

"Well ok, my Spanish is not that that good, something about it's not worth it to fall in love. Seems to go well with your lone wolf theory." She replied

"I'm not quite sure about that theory anymore" he said as he softly moved a streak of her blond hair from her face. He kissed her tenderly on the cheek.

"Goodnight Lil' See you tomorrow and thanks for coming out tonight"

"Goodnight Scotty"

He waited to see that she got inside before leaving. He could not help but singing the song that was playing as they had danced and again shrugged in surprise remembering how well Lilly could salsa. His cell phone rang but he ignored it, sure it was Alex again and not feeling like having the talk right at this moment.

Lilly was tenderly stroking her cats, she did not know if it was the Cuba Libre, or the laughs, or the dance but she knew that she would sleep restfully. She was still smiling as she closed her eyes.

* * *

A/N: Please review...:-) Next chapter will deal more with the case, they need a breakthrough of some sort...and I probably will add some more L/S moments...


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer**: Don't own Cold Case, Don't own Cold Case, Don't own Cold Case….hmmm thought maybe if I kept repeating it I would convince myself 

**A/N**: Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reviews, for those who take the time almost each time to write a little something to make my day. All the others don't be shy, let me know what you think.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Lilly and Scotty ran into each other at their usual coffee stand.

"Morning Lil'"

"Morning Scotty" She replied smiling "you buying?"

"Why is it that everytime we end up together at the stand, I end up being the one inviting you to coffee"

"Because you're a gentleman Valens"

Their hands touched as he handed her the fuming cup, their eyes met and as Scotty was about to say something.

"Hey Valens, since you're such a gent, maybe you could get me a cup as well" Vera approached laughing.

"Well well Nick…last time I checked you're not a lady" Scotty said, suddenly realizing that his words could have a double meaning.

Lil' coughed as she started laughing.

"Hmm something you're hiding you two? I'm not going to stand in the middle of this lover's quarrel and I'll see you guys upstairs".

She was still giggling as she entered the office.

She stopped at Kat's desk, where she was briefing Will on the Sue Davis' case.

"I think we might have a love story hiding in this office. And let me tell you something, they would make a cute couple." Kat and Jeffrey looked up surprised.

"Wait until they get here. I'll tell you"

And as Scotty and Nick pushed the door of the office, she said:

"Let me introduce to Mr and Mrs Valens or is that Vera?"

Vera rolled his eyes: "It ain't my fault Scotty developed a crush on me but hey that's what happens when you almost spend 24 hours together. Scotty I'm sorry to tell you, it ain't going to work. You're just not my type"

Scotty muttered a "haha funny" and walked towards his desk, while the rest of the team was trying very hard not to laugh out loud.

Stillman looked around at his team:

"Do I want to know?"

Lilly's face became more serious.

"Any news on our case, Boss?"

"We were able to track down one of Ms Davis' friends, Mrs Bores, and we got some phone calls from the Barrington's family. They were pretty clear; they do not want to have publicity on this affair"

"One of their family members died, with her skull crushed and all they care about is publicity? Nice people." Scotty said angrily.

"How about you try to go see this lady later today, she'll be expecting you."

"Where does she live?"

"Same retirement home as Mr Davis"

As Stillman left the room, Will followed his silhouette with worried eyes.

"Boss looks tired these days." He stated

"So, did you finish reading the letters and diaries?" He then went on to ask.

"My assistant and I almost finished the diaries. It's pretty much her thoughts on the world, she has some poems in them, some short stories. Miller says they're good."

Kat, who had raised her eyebrows, at the "assistant" comment shook her head in disdain but then focused back on the case:

"She clearly loved her husband and her daughter. She wrote some comments about the war, about life without him. She did say at some point that she was scared sometimes to be alone in the house. The last entry was the most disturbing one. Listen to this:

_My dear Diary,_

_I don't know what I did wrong to deserve this. I don't know what I'm going to be able to do. Just thinking about all of it makes me want to die. I know I can't cos' I can't leave Julie behind. My one and only love will hopefully come back from the horrors of the war. I'm afraid he will find these horrors more appealing than me if he ever found out. Did I deserve? Did I say something? Did I do something?_

_I cannot stop the tears, I cannot stop the angst in my heart. The water on my body does not seem to take away the scars inside. Will they ever go away? Will I ever be able to see the sun outside and feel it in my soul again?_ _ Will I ever have a carefree moment where I can just smile knowing I have him, knowing I have her without a shadow on my thoughts?_

_I'm broken and I just don't know if I can ever be whole again. I just don't know…I just want my two angels to never forget how much I love them. I love you John, my soldier, my rock, my man…I love you Julie, my beautiful baby girl, who will grow up to change the world with her smile and her imagination…I don't think I can ever be the one again. I'm sorry."_

The team was silent as Kat read the last time.

"That's the last entry, the diary still had pages but some of them were just ripped off"

"Maybe we should talk to the daughter again before going to see the friend." Lilly said

"Will and I could do that and I think Vera should look at the letters that have not been read yet" Kat pointed out.

"Who appointed you boss Miller?"

She smiled as everybody agreed to her plan and Vera retreated mumbling "See how it is".

Lilly and Scotty climbed into the car.

"Thanks for last night Scotty, I had fun. I really did." Lilly started.

Scotty looked at her smiling.

"I did too and again I don't know how you learned Salsa but I think we need a repeat of that."

"Maybe…" But the way she was shining said more than words.

"This case is getting more complicated by the minute."

"Come to think of it Scotty, it seems that she was raped and her rapist had a hell of motive if she decided to talk."

"Her last entry sounds like a suicide note"

Lilly studied Scotty's face, he noticed and shook his head.

"I'm fine Lil' I can say the word "suicide". I mean it ain't easy everyday, even if it's been awhile. It ain't easy…"

Lilly put her hand on his.

"I know Scotty. It was not that long ago" She whispered

As he heard those words, an image of Elisa flashed back in front of him

"_Do you remember? Triple play, score by Scotty Valens"_

"_I don't remember"_

"_I do"_

"_It was such a long time ago"_

"_Not so long ago Scotty. Not so long ago"_

But for once, the desperate feeling he had remembering her, the hollowness inside his heart was no longer. Instead, he cherished the memory, thinking he had been lucky to have known her, to have loved her and to have been loved. He did not feel like hitting anything, he did feel like drinking a shot to just forget it all.

He just breathed, took Lilly's hand and gently kissed it.

"Thank you"

* * *

**A/N:** Please review, I know you're out there reading it, just go the extra step and let me know what you think.

I probably will not be able to update until next Monday or Tuesday…in the mean time, give my email some happy thoughts with your reviews.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: do not own anything but the ideas in my head going through the tips of my fingers

A/N: And here I am again, asking for reviews  I'm not quite sure about this chapter so your thoughts would be cherished. Thanks again for all of you, my regular reviewers, you make it easier for me to go on writing this fanfic (or at least easier to post it)

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**Chapter 7**

Stillman had not left his office before he knew that his entire team was busy working on the case. He had not seen Nick who was coming from getting a coffee.

"You going out Boss?"

"Some business to take care of, I won't be back until tomorrow. You guys can always reach me on my cell if you need it"

"How does she look like?"

"Excuse me" Stillman was surprised by Vera's question as he usually tried to keep his smart comments to Kat or Scotty.

Nick raised an eyebrow, sensing that John's tone was not as friendly as he could have hoped for "Nothing boss, see you tomorrow then"

Nick remembered that Jeffries had thought the boss looked tired and seeing the ghostly face leave the office, he wondered what was going on.

John Stillman took a deep breath in the elevator, he did not know what to expect. He opened his wallet and took a business card out. He took a quick look at the address again "Karl Hoffman, Oncologist" before shuffling it back into his coat.

* * *

Lilly was trying to regain some composure before stepping out of the car. The feeling on the hand that Scotty had just put to his lips was an unknown one to her but yet seemed so familiar. Scotty was studying her face and laughed when he realized that she was getting a bit flushed.

"Lil', let's go see what the friend has to tell us"

As they made their way to the room where Mr Bores were staying, Lilly could not say a word, she did not even trust herself to glimpse at her partner.

However, when they entered the room, her detective instincts took over and she suddenly breathed more easily.

"Mr Bores? Detectives Rush and Valens, we're here to talk to you about Sue Davis"

Mr Bores turned to them and in a split second Lilly saw what the now old man looked like decades before: tall and lean, short blonde hair, dark brown eyes behind his glasses.

Now, they could tell by the movements of his hands that he suffered from an early stage of Parkinson.

"Sue, she was a beauty, she truly was. The kind of woman who just entered the room and you knew she was special. Kinda of you, young lady"

Scotty could not repress a small smile and whispered "ain't that young" Lilly rolled her eyes at him and focused her attention on the old man.

"Mr Bores, you were very close to the Davis'. Do you remember anything that Sue could have said about someone threatening her? or her being scared?"

"I used to go there all the time. See, I did not get drafted, bad leg, they did not want me and John told me before leaving to take care of his family. So, I did…not that I minded. John's girls were the best ones"

Scotty looked up "You seemed pretty taken with Mrs Davis"

Pat Bores chuckled: "Yes I was son. Yes I was. Did you know I saw her first? I never thought though that she would go for a nobody like me, but she went for John. Don't get me wrong, they were a match made in heaven but everytime I looked at her, it was like falling in love with her for the first time"

"I'm sorry Mr Bores, but it seems strange that Mr Davis would ask you to take care of his wife knowing that you had the hots for her. I mean, if I had the woman of my dreams and I was going forawhile, not quite sure I'd like somebody drooling over her" He shot a glance at Lilly, who was studying Pat Bores' reaction.

"John did not know that I had such a thing for his wife"

"Did she?"

"A woman always knows" He replied

"She never told me of anybody threatening her, she used to make sure though that everything in the house was always closed, freaked out once when she saw that one door had been left open. I never understood why she left" He went on explaining.

"Thanks for your time Mr Bores"

As they went outside, Lilly pushed Scotty: "That was for the "not so young" comment Valens, gotta watch that mouth of yours" He laughed…

"Seriously though, that man sounded obsessed with Sue, I'm surprised John Davis did not know anything about it"

"Well since we're here, we might as well go see him, but before we do that. I got a question for you"

Lilly looked up, surprised by his serious tone: "Yes?"

"How old are you really?"

She laughed and pushed him again…

"Hello Mr Davis, do you remember us?"  
"Young lady, I'm old but not senile"

Lilly smiled thinking that she had never been called "young lady" that often in one day.

"We just came back from talking to your friend, Mr Bores and we just wanted to ask you…"

Before she finished her sentence, John interrupted her: "If I knew that he was in love with my Sue. Of course, I did…Everybody knew except her I think. And you're probably asking yourself why I asked him to take care of them. Well, if you have to leave the ones you love most behind, and you want to make sure that they're well taken care of, then you just ask the one you know will do anything to make them happy. It might seem crazy for you two, who don't even seem to realize the way you look at each other but if he ever had to leave you, trust me he'd do the same"

Scotty and Lilly did not reply, they were used of people, of suspects asking them if they had done it yet but none of them had talked about real feelings before.

They did not want to admit it but this one comment hit home more than any of the others.

"You could have asked somebody who cared without being consumed by love"

"I see you're the jealous type son but if you left for the war not knowing if you would ever come back, you'd do the same. Sometimes, I wished that she had just fallen out of love me but still be alive somewhere with someone. I never believed it could happen but I just thought that if she was still alive she might come back. I knew though that my Sue never would have left me."

Mr Davis seemed to be getting out of breath.

"We'll let you rest Mr Davis"

* * *

Lilly and Scotty made their way back to the office. Kat and Jeffries were already there talking with Nick.

"So, how was it?" Kat asked.

"Well, we did find out that Julie had known something happened to her mom. She just never had wanted to put one plus one together when she grew older. She said that somebody knocked at the door one night and her mom opened. She was supposed to be in bed but said she could not sleep. She heard loud screams and some dishes being broken and then she just heard her mom crying. The man left 20 minutes after. After that evening, her mom never looked the same."

"So, she knew the aggressor, she would have not opened if she did not know the guy. And why being silent?" Scotty asked

"She did not want her daughter to hear anything" Lilly replied. "She loved her daughter and did not want her to see her that way"

"That would go with all the letters I had to read while you guys were enjoying car rides. I mean my ass is almost glued to this chair" Nick complained

"While I'm trying to forget the image of your ass glued to anything, why don't you just tell us what you found out in those letters"

"There were two, the two last ones that she apparently wrote, where she says that she does not think she can do it anymore, and that she wished everything went back to before"

"It sounds like her last diary entry"  
"Pretty much but she also writes that she will need to talk to somebody, to her mom, that she might be the only one to help her and to understand her."  
"Her mother? Did not think those two had the greatest relationship"

"It seems that it would not have been the last letter she wrote. She disappeared in June 1943, the letter is dating from April 1943"

"The last entry diary that we have is from February 1943"  
"We are missing a lot of information on that one"

"If she was raped and it seems like she was, it was from somebody she knew and trusted"

"Do you think what I'm thinking" Lil' turned to Scotty

"If you do would not mind sharing, maybe we could all think the same thing" Nick said

"We met John Davis' best friend, who had a big thing for Sue, she would have opened the door for him"

"I guess we should pay him another visit tomorrow then"

"You guys ready to go for First Thursday?"

"Where is Boss?"

"He left awhile back" Nick replied "Did not seem to be doing so good, said it'd be back tomorrow. So we're going? That is if I can get up of course"

They all left to their usual place and relaxed over some beer.

The jokes were coming left and right and everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves.

The guys were playing a sports trivia and Nick suddenly got up

"You cheaters! I gotta go or I'll be broke by the end of tonight"

Kat and Jeffries followed shortly after leaving Scotty and Lilly alone.

Scotty's phone started to ring, a quick look at caller ID and he sighted, not picking up.

"Was it Christina?" Lilly asked, still bothered to say her sister's name in front of Scotty even after their Salsa dancing, especially after the last evening they spent together.

"No, it was somebody else"

As he stopped talking, Lilly smiled and said: "Who was it? Some Charlenes?"

"It was ADA Alex…you know we kinda of were together for a bit"

"Valens, I hate to break this to you but everybody knew you were "kinda together for a bit" Lilly replied teasingly

"What happened? Did something to piss her off?"

"It's just, we did not have the same view on things, on the job…It ain't going to work out that way"  
"can't always agree with somebody you know"  
"It's not about agreeing, it was disappointing, I was disappointed in her. I guess, you know me, I just make something out of someone and they're not what I thought. Compromises I get, but settling down for somebody who just does not give you that passion, who can stay cold in front of certain things, can't do"

"Hmmm…I heard there was some doing involved"

Scotty smiled "Gentleman never tells"

"So now you can be a gentleman" Lilly teased him

She could not stop looking at him and thinking how good he looked. He had untied his striped blue tie, his sleeves were rolled up and his eyes seemed to have a new shade of brown. She could not quite decide if it was chocolate brown or dark caramel. She laughed.

"Something funny?"

"No, nothing just thinking about hot chocolate for some reason" She laughed again and looked at her watch "Should get going if we want to get an early start tomorrow. We need to get people to talk, the brother I think is hiding something and the friend definitely. We owe it to Sue and to John. I think this man suffered enough for a lifetime"

Scotty could not take his eyes off of her

"What? I got something?"

"Yes, you definitely got something. Come on let's go. I'll walk you to your car"

"Valens, Valens, gentleman twice in one evening…"

"What can I say? My mom raised me well"

Outside, the weather had become a bit chillier and Lilly could not help but shiver. Scotty noticed and took his scarf putting it around her neck. She stood still, feeling the warmth of his breath and his touch.

When he stood up straight again, she shivered once more but not because of the cold, the place where he had touched her seemed suddenly more alive.

She hurried into her car feeling like an adolescent on her first date. No matter what was developing between her and Scotty, it definitely felt good and she had not laughed so freely in a long time.

Scotty watched her leave wondering how long he could resist the desire he had to just kiss her, he smiled realizing that he had not felt this happy in a long time.

A/N: Please………..please………..please….review!


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I'm wondering why it is getting so cold in Germany…oh no sorry – I do not own Cold Case…blabla bla blablablabla

**A/N:** I would like to thank RondaRoo, Fbiwoman, FloatingAmoeba, Oucellogal and Lullubell6 for their reviews. Please keep them coming and for all the other hundred hits out there, please pretty please hit the review button, it will brighten my day.

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**Chapter 8**

The next day at the office, the boss was late.

"Hey maybe he got himself a hot date?" Vera said jokingly

"Do you ever think about something else?" Miller replied. She paused and then went on

"Hmm…yeah…food. I forgot you think about food" She smiled

Jeffries walked in on their usual bickering tournament:

"I gotta call from him this morning. He's not going to show up today. So, he'll be available on his cell phone but let's try to behave like grown ups today and work without him."

"Yes boss" answered Vera. Jeffries rolled his eyes "And don't start with the boss crap"

Scotty shot an interrogating glance at Lilly, she seemed lost in her thoughts but she could feel his eyes on her and she turned to him. She mouthed a "I have no idea" and her worried eyes told him that she did not know anything.

Everybody in the team knew that Stillman had a particular relationship with her. He was always watching out to her, taking on a father figure that Lilly did not really experience in her life.

"So…where are we on the case?" asked Jeffries sighting, knowing perfectly that he did not want to take Stillman's place and understanding from the tone of the message he had heard from him, that something was definitely up.

"We need to go see the Davis' friend again, that Mr Bores, he certainly had to know something about that rape and hey, if he's the one, he might be the one who also crushed her skull"

"Somebody needs to go see the brother of Sue Davis, maybe he's remember something since apparently Sue had contacted their mother"

"Kat and Nick, why don't you go pay a visit to the brother. Lilly and Scotty, you already know Mr Bores…so, go ask him if he does not suddenly remember who could have raped Ms Davis"

Kat and Nick looked at each other, with their exasperation written all over their faces "do we really have to? I mean this morning he got in, and stole the cupcake I had on my table. It was what Veronica baked yesterday for me, not for fatty here."  
"Hey watch your mouth, I go with slightly under exercised. And you should be happy, your kid showed more cooking talent in that one cupcake than you would in an entire dinner."

"Like I would cook for you.." Their bickering did not seem to stop until they realized that they had been left alone. Jeffries had gone to check the mail in Stillman's office, while Scotty and Lilly were already in the elevator.

"Alright well I guess we should get to work too then, come on Miller and if you're nice I will let you cook dinner for me one day"  
"Shut up Vera, let's go." They smiled at each other.

Lilly and Scotty were getting out of the elevator. The snow was getting heavier on the streets of Philadelphia and when Lilly took her first step outside, she started sliding down. The first thing she found close enough for her to hold on was Scotty's waist. Surprised by her touch, he also lost balance and they both fell on the grounds. There eyes met and they started laughing:  
"Come on Rush, tell me what you had for breakfast this morning cos I would have thought I could hold your weight"  
"Shut up Valens and let's try to get up" She was still giggling.

They were laughing so much that they could not seem to find their way back to their feet.

"Well, well, well…The boss is not here and look what the other detectives do…making out on the ground in front of the building, not so professional." Vera was looking down at them while Miller was smiling.

"Need a hand there Lil?'" Lilly took Kat's hand and managed to stand up while Nick was helping Scotty.

"Ok children, we'll see you after work" Nick said ironically while Kat and he started to walk the opposite direction.

"Lil' you got some snow right there" Scotty's hand touched her cheek and his gaze was burning, a wild contrast to the coldness of the air.

"Thanks" but Lilly started laughing again "You got something on your face too" and she raised her hand to his lips "I mean I would not know you better, I'd think you're trying a new lipstick on, just white is not your color Scotty, with your eyes I would go with something a little warmer."

He nudged her "Be careful Rush or you go back on the ground" As he put his arms on her waist as if to wrestle her, a feeling of intense desire rushed in him and he stopped his move. She did not seem to notice and smiled as she urged him towards the car.

"Case has been waiting for too long, let's go"

In the car, they talked mostly about the case, trying to look at it in different angles, just hoping in one way that the friend would just admit to both the rape and the murder…

"Hello Mr Bores"  
"Detectives Rush and Valens, real pleasure to see you again. At my age I don't get much visits."

"Well, we're here to ask you a few more questions about Sue. Did you know that she saw somebody on the side?" Scotty turned his eyes quickly towards Lilly. If he did not know the story, he would have no idea that she was bluntly lying to their main suspects. He guessed where she was going with it and just played along as he said:

"Must have been tough, the woman you love marries somebody eles…but hey it's all fair in love and war right? So you figure that he won…but man must have had hurt when she starts sleeping with someone else while he's gone."

The old man's face had turn whiter than the shirt he was wearing. His voice was trembling and he seemed to have an hard time controlling his movements:

"Sue did not, she never would have had, she loved him"

"Oh no, she did not even love the guy. She said in her diary, she felt lonely"  
"She did not, you're just lying. I know her diary"

"Hmmm do you Mr Bores? Kinda of strange that a woman shares her diary with somebody, usually it's pretty private"

"I just saw it once, she was writing on it at the table"

"When was that, do you remember?"

"Could it be February 1943?"

"Yes, it was Valentine's Day 1943. It was cold outside, dark early. I just went there to see if she needed anything"  
"Did you meet him? The other man? She was seeing him for about 2 months at that time"  
"There was no "him", Sue never loved anybody else, she would not have given herself to anybody but John. Don't you understand it?"

"So you went there for Valentine's Day, to a woman who did not want you"

"How many times should I repeat it? She did not want anybody but John. There was no other guy. If there was, then she wouldn't have said that"  
"Said what Mr Bores?"

"Nothing, nothing"  
"Come on, it's been what 60 years that you've been living with the ghost of love, of non returned love. She must have done something that day to get you all wound up. Heck, she maybe even threw herself at you, goes with the diaries entries from earlier"  
"No she DID NOT" He started coughing "she did not want me" he said more quietly "and I know for sure there was not anybody else. I read her diary. I knew where she hid it and I read it everyday imagining she was talking about me instead of him but what I read how she saw me, how she felt after…"

"After what?" Lilly's tone became sharper

_**Valentine's Day 1943**_

_Sue Davis was sitting at her kitchen's table, a smile lit up her face as she was writing in her diary. She was singing along what she heard on the gramophone._

_You made me love you  
I didn't wanna do it  
I didn't wanna do it  
You made me want you  
And all the time you knew it  
I guess you always knew it_

_You made me happy sometimes  
You made me glad  
But there were times  
You made me feel so bad_

_A knock on her door surprised her, she looked at the time in disbelief._

_"Who is it?"_

_"It's just me Sue" She recognized the voice and even though she still appeared to be taken aback by the visit, she opened the way to her home._

_"It's kinda of late don't you think Pat?"_

_"Don't worry about it Sue. I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright, with Valentine's day and all"_

_"I'm fine, I'm fine really You should not worry so much about me"_

_"It's not a problem. I just want to honor the promise I made to your husband" He stopped for an instant realizing that Sue did not have any intention of inviting him to stay_

_"I smell something great. You got some pie in the kitchen? I haven't eaten all day. Being an old man and all, I have not your cooking skills. Would you mind just sharing a little piece with me?" He smiled apologetically._

_Sue's behavior did not change but her politeness seemed to take over_

_"I'm sorry Pat, I did not even think about it. Sure, please come on in"_

_The song in the background was still playing, coming to an end:_

_You made me cry for  
I didn't wanna tell you  
I didn't wanna tell you  
I want some love that's true  
Yes, I do, 'deed I do  
You know I do_

_Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie what I cry for  
You know you've got the brand of kisses  
That I'd die for  
You know you made me love you_

_Pat slowly put it back on before turning to Sue, who was putting a piece of apple pie on a plate._

_"Let's dance. For Valentine's day.."_

_"No Pat, really, it would not feel right you know."_

_"Come on pretty Sue, just one dance…" He walked towards her and she could not escape. Her back was to the oven, she tried to move to the side but he caught her hand. Her eyes widened by the angst starting to overwhelm her. She did not seem to recognize the old friend always ready to help her, to talk to her when she was feeling lonely._

_"Pat, what are you doing?"_

_"Come on Sue, John is far, you have no clue if he's ever coming back. Just dance with me. One dance is not going to kill you" His tone was harsh and there was nothing of the sweet man who used to come and play with her daughter._

_"Pat, just go home"_

_"NO! You know how I feel for you, you've been leading me on since the very beginning, Miss Barrington, too good for me, you thought?"  
"No Pat, I didn't, I really didn't. Pat, please"_

_But his hands started going on her body, he just wouldn't stop. Sue was trying to get away but couldn't…Tears started falling down on her cheecks. As he laid his weight on him, she tried to fight him but suddenly, she stopped, turned her head towards the entrance as if she was afraid to make too much noise. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the man, who would forever leave the trace of violence in her soul._

_Give me, give me, give me what I cry for  
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for  
You know you made me love you _

* * *

"After what I did, I went home, we never talked about it again"

"But you said that you read her diary, when was that?"

"I knew where she kept it and one day it was beginning of April, I went in and ripped off the pages after that Valentine's Day"

"Do you still have them?"

"Yes", he slowly got up and looked into a drawer. Under a picture of Sue, there were the missing pages.

"We will be taking those but one more question: you would like for us to believe that you didn't kill her?"

"I wouldn't have. She was pregnant, with my child when she disappeared."

Lilly and Scotty exchanged surprised looks.

"You'll read everything in her diary" Mr Bores explained.

"We'll come back to talk to you Mr Bores"

They left the room.

"The statue of limitations for rape is 5 years so the only way to get him is to find him responsible for murder. I mean, the man is old but if he killed Sue, he deserves to spend the rest of his days in jail" Lilly said, still astonished by the revelation that Sue Davis was pregnant.

Scotty turned to her: "Guess we have some reading to do now, wanna share the work? I mean I ain't going to be the only one going through these papers."

"No Valens, I'll help you. Let's go back to the office"

"Let's get some cheesesteaks, I'll buy"

"Of course you will" She smiled

Sitting down at their favourite place, they ventured from the case to subjects a bit less professional.

"Come on Lil' what was your best Valentine's Day?"

"I can't come up with one, I think it goes back all the way to High School. How about yours?"

"High School too, the first one I had with Elisa was the best one"

"Details?"

"Maybe an another time…"He grinned

"You know what I've been thinking about Lil'" He went on

"No but I'm sure you're going to tell me" She teased him

"I was wondering if you wanted to go back to dance some salsa tonight after we're done working. Come on it's Friday, I ain't got a date, you don't have one either."

"Hey! Who said I don't have one"

"Do you?" His heart was beating a bit faster as he awaited for the answer

"No, I have my cats" She smiled

"You'd have time to go home and feed them. They do have mouths to eat right?"

"Yes they do. Nothing wrong with my cats" Lilly replied calmly

"So, you feed them, and you change. I'll come pick you up"

"Sounds like a plan Valens" She got up and kissed him on the cheek. "Gotta practice for that cousin of yours, you know. Now let's go back to the office and make sure Kat and Nick are still both alive and in one piece"

**A/N:** Please review! Next chapter: salsa dancing, and the case. Watch for Christina reappearing in chapter 9 or 10 probably ;-)_  
_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: don't own blabla blablbala

A/N: Sorry for the delay…won't let it happen again! Hope you enjoy this chapter, lots of fluff towards the end, and a surprise.

_**Summary of the story (just in case): **_Sue Davis' body was found after 60 years. The team is trying to find out who the murder is. In the last chapter, they realized that she had been raped by her husband's best friend. He also had stolen her diary and now Scotty and Lilly have to go through it.

**Chapter 9**

"So children, how was the rest of your day? Any snow fights? Would you maybe like a lollipop?" Nick Vera was grinning at his two colleagues who shook their head at his comments.

Kat turned to him, rolling her eyes, in a habit well known to her when she was around Nick.

"Hey inspector doughnut, you plan on teasing them all day or you think working could be on the schedule?"

Jeffries came out at that moment from Stillman's office, smiling at the usual atmosphere surrounding their place of work. However a look of worry also seemed to slowly take over his usually relaxed attitude.

"So…what did you guys learn from the brother? How about the best friend?"

Lilly looked at Scotty as he started explaining their encounter with the man who had raped the woman he supposedly loved, the wife of his best friend. She could not help but let her mind wander. She was thinking back to their salsa dancing and suddenly she laughed realizing that she was wondering what to wear for their upcoming evening.

"Something funny?" She came back to earth with Vera's question

She kept silent and made a sign for Scotty to go on. Her colleagues opened their eyes in surprise when they heard that Sue Davis had gotten pregnant.

Kat and Nick exchanged a quick look: "Well that would explain what Sue's brother told us". Kat said.  
"What do you mean?" Jeffries asked.

"He heard a fight with Sue and her mother. Apparently Sue came by their house with her daughter. She was pale as a ghost and she asked him to take care of Julie. As soon as they left the room, he heard her starting to cry uncontrollably. At the beginning it seems that the mom was trying to calm her down. She was very soothing but suddenly he heard screaming at Sue. Apparently, Sue then took her daughter and left. He said he did not know what it was about but I have an hunch he knows more than what he let on. We asked him if Sue had any girlfriends and if he had names. He gave us one. Mary Lewis. We called her and she is inviting us for tea on Monday She said she had a lot to tell us."

"We also got the missing pages of the diary; the nice friend gave them to us after admitting of having stolen them. We thought about going over them right now"

"Actually, you guys need to redo some paperwork from the last case. There was quite an urgent message on Stillsman's voicemail. Apparently they've been trying to reach us for quite awhile."

"Paperwork, you're kidding me right. We're in the middle of a case"

"Listen, I don't them on my ass, I don't have on Stillman's case. We will all work together on it and we'll go full speed on Monday on the diary and the friend…We got no choice. Our little team is already on their bad side." Jeffries' serious tone made it clear that they all had to work together on the boring paperwork.

"It's ridiculous" Lilly muttered as she sat at her office and they all filled out forms and reports for the rest of the afternoon. After what seemed like forever, Jeffries slowly stood up: "Ok enough for the bureaucracy. Why don't you guys try to enjoy a nice week-end and we'll be right back on Davis' case early Monday"

Vera smiled: "you going to get some pie?"

Jeffries shrugged, put on his coat and left the office followed by Nick and Kat.

"So, ready to go feed what you call cats Lil'" Lilly let out an exasperated sight "Again there's nothing wrong with my girls. And yes I am…"

"How about I go pick you up in an hour?"

"You need a whole hour to get ready…hmm I guess we know who the girl is in your relationships" Lilly laughed

"Hey hey watch it. I though that is how long you needed to actually get ready to go out, since you know, you are going to have to change. Maybe you did not remember where your clothes were, the one you ain't wearing at work"

"Not your best comeback Valens" Lilly smiled "But yes come pick me up in an hour" She went on.

As soon as she arrived to her place, Lilly took care of her girls whispering sweet words to them as if she was taking care of babies. The cats were purring and Lilly felt more relaxed than she had done in awhile. Of course, she still was wondering about Christina whereabouts but she did not want it to ruin her evening. She took a long shower and starting getting ready. She quickly skimmed her clothes as she had time on the way to figure out what she wanted to wear: a nice pair of dark blue jeans, with black high heels and an open back black top. She looked at herself in the mirror, smiled and started to put make up on, black eyeliner, a touch of very light blue over the eyes, and reddish lip gloss. She also did something she had not done in a very long time. She took her curler out and decided on curling some of her hair to get a wavy effect.

She was just done when she heard the bell of her door.

"I'm coming" She yelled from upstairs, almost falling down as she started running down.

"Get a grip Rush, it's just Scotty" but she had to admit her heart was beating a bit faster than usual when she opened the door.

"Hey, come on in. I'm getting my coat and I'm ready". Scotty could not help a small whistle "wow you look…wow" Lilly giggled "well to quote you you also look wow"

"Hold on you have not even see what I'm wearing" he protested. She winked at him.

"No but I work with you, I know what's under the coat Valens"

The dimples appearing as he smiled made Lilly's head turn. She did not know what was up with her but she felt dizzy just being around him.

Olivia, one of Lilly's cats, came and sat at Scotty's feet, raising her face and one eye to him.

"What does she want?" Scotty asked

"She just wants to be pet, sniff you to make sure you're not some jerk" Lilly explained very seriously.

"Hmmm yeah you have cats with supernatural powers Rush. Anybody told you that you are a bit crazy"

"You should believe me" Lilly smiled as Scotty pet Olivia and she started purring.

"See she likes you. Point for you"

Lilly grabbed her coat and her purse and they went out.

When they arrived in the bar, Antonio seemed very busy. The place was crowded and it seems that half of the people knew Scotty, he was smiling left and right.

"Is this a Valens reunion?" Lilly asked a bit intimitaded.

"Nah, don't you worry, it's just people I know from back then"

"When you were young and innocent" she finished the sentence for him…"I thought I was the old one Scotty" She laughed.

As soon as Antonio noticed them in the crowd, he came towards them with a big smile.

"Hola Primo! Hola Linda" He kissed Lilly on the cheek and this time she seemed at ease with it.

"My name is Lilly" Scotty and Antonio started laughing very loudly. Lilly stood there not understanding what she had said that could be so funny.

"I thought you knew a bit of Spanish Lil'. You could understand the song we danced to last time but "Linda" you don't get/" She blushed realizing that the cousin had just called her "beautiful" and not by some other women's name.

"Lo siento" She said with a very strong American accent.

"Don't worry beautiful" Antonio replied.

"So…ready to have a good night? I was able to reserve the table you had last time upstairs. I thought you two would enjoy it" Antonio went on, winking very obviously at Scotty.

"Gracias Primo. Nos vemos?"

"Yes I'll go pay you a visit, the first drink is on me but that's it. I don't want to go broke you know. I should get back to work…"

Scotty and Lilly made their way upstairs. Scotty could not help but noticing how a lot of men were staring at his partner. She seemed totally unaware of it, not realizing one bit how sexy she looked. It was not only her perfect body, nor the blonde hair falling freely on her shoulders, not the blue eyes which the dark line on her eyelids just accentuated even more…it was just her, her way of moving, of being, of smiling and laughing. Scotty's thoughts were running a thousand miles an hour as he remembered how it felt to have held her closed to him.

They finally arrived at their table and drinks were already waiting for them.

"Your cousin Antonio is showing us great service"

"What do you know, I'm just his favourite cousin." He helped her out of her coat and got electrified by the feel of her ivory skin beautiful against the contrast of her black shirt.

"Scotty" Her voice brought him back to Earth

"Yeah?' He asked

"Well, you've been staring at me for the past two minutes without a word. I'll take that as a compliment but I'm expecting you to be a better date than that"

"Date he? You don't want me to show you how Scotty Valens is on a date…" He said in a very cocky way.

"Scotty, you just don't want to know how Lilly Rush is on a date" They both laughed. He took off his coat and his scarf and that was her turn to stare.

He was wearing matching colors to hers, dark blue jeans and a black shirt but it is not what caught her attention. She seemed mesmerized by the way he looked in that black shirt. It was short sleeves and fitting to the body. His muscles were showing, his skin looked like a caramel she wanted to try and his eyes at that moment were just as intense as her desire.

"It's getting hot in here" She said quickly, taking a sip of her drink. Suddenly they heard Antonio screaming from the other side of the room:

"Hey primo, your song" and they both smiled as they recognized the music that they had danced on last time they came…

"Would you?" Scotty asked extending his hand to Lilly, who got up and took it.

"Let's"

When they arrived on the dance floor, their bodies seemed to find their way to one another again as if it was as natural as breathing. His strong arm on her bare back made her shiver. There were deep into each other eyes forgetting the rest of the world around them. After the end of the song, a slow song came on and instead of going to sit down, Scotty tightened his arms around the waist of his partner and she rested her head on his shoulder, playing with her fingers in her neck. She felt very at ease in his arms, more at ease than she could ever remembered. She also felt a surge of desire, a need to be even closer to him. She did not want to think about the "what ifs" and all the complications that would ensue from this attraction. All she knew is that it felt normal, right, safe and exciting.

Scotty closed his eyes feeling Lilly's fingers going up and down in his neck. His entire body was being consumed by a fire bigger than ever experienced. He tried to switch his attention by listening to the song that was playing but the words kept on bringing back to the woman in his arms.

Lilly looked up as she heard Scotty starting to sing along softly with the lyrics:

_ella es... mi libertad  
ella es mi vida, toda mi vida  
ella es mi ilusion  
mi sueño de amor  
mi mujer  
con quien toda la vida pasare  
ella, es mi cancion _

_mi sueño de amor  
mi mujer a quien toda la vida yo amare_

He looked down at her, his eyes talking to her with the same warmth as his voice, with the same passion as his hands running softly on her back.

She smiled, giving him a sign that she understood him, that she felt the same way and before the song came to an end, their lips finally met with all the passion of their desire, with all the fear of their feelings, with all the trust they had for each other. This kiss was a step taken into a familiar unknown. They finally realized the song was over when they heard giggles around them. Antonio came towards them with a joyful face: "Primo, let the woman breathe would you?" Lilly and Scotty reluctantly separated but they kept contact by holding hands.

"Detective Rush, how about we go and finish our drink?"

"Sounds good to me Detective Valens"

They laughed and went back to their table. They did not talk about the kiss, they did not want to analyze it right away. They talked about their passion for their job, Scotty's family, the subject of hers did not come up, too much of a touchy subject for such a beautiful evening.

"How about you take me home Valens?" Lilly asked with a flirting smile.

Scotty did not have the strength to answer, he had to keep all the strength he had to just not ravish her in the bar.

Their lips met again several times on the way back to Lilly's place, they just did not seem to get enough of each other.

As they walked towards the door, they did not notice a silhouette coming towards them. The woman did not walk straight. Lilly was trying to find her keys, laughing at Scotty who was playfully nibbling her ear.

"Lil'! Scotty! Finally getting it on?" Lilly closed her eyes painfully, knowing oh too well, to whom this voice belonged. Scotty shook his head in despair: "Why now?" he thought. He pur a protective arm around Lilly but she shook it off. "Go home" She whispered to him. Her eyes would not meet his. "I'll see you at work on Monday" He would not move. "Please" and the tone of her voice finally made him realize that she did not want him there, not at this time.

He left without looking at Christina who had managed to reach the front door.

_**A/N**_: review please? Come on you know you wanna! Next chapter…dealing with the drama and getting a break in the case…who do you think is the doer? I'd like to know 


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them…no I still don't…they own me somehow…

**A/N:** Thank you again soooo much for all of you taking the time to review. I really appreciate it!

**Summary**: The case is a difficult one as many witnesses passed away and the ones living are not what the team would call cooperate. During this time, Lilly and Scotty got closer leading to a passionate kiss and what was supposed to be as passionate of a night. Christina's appearance on Lilly's front door did not help the situation…

**Chapter 10**

Lilly looked at the form who had problem staying up straight. She could barely recognize her sister. Her hair was cut; her face had lost that particular glow that she used to always carry on, even in the darkest moments. Her eyes seemed to now belong to another world. Lilly recognized the place her sister was in at the moment as she had seen their mom there too often to count. All of her happiness acquired during the care-free moments with Scotty began to feel like a dream. She briefly touched her lips as if trying to hold on to the way she had felt just about 5 minutes ago.

The noise of Christina sliding down to the ground brutally brought her back to reality. She sighed heavily and turned to the ghostly figure to whom she used to sing lullabies to try to cover their mother's rants.

The last time she had seen her she had said goodbye to her. "Hell everybody must have thought I did not have any pity or feelings" She smiled in a sad way remembering what it felt like to be betrayed by those closest to you, to try so hard to help someone who just cannot be helped. She tried, really did…She also tried to push her away, to believe that her sister was dead for her. It worked maybe 5 minutes, but Christina stayed as a scar on her heart.

She shook her head, opened her house and held Christina up to get them both inside. She knew she would not get much from her sister that night, except a few drunken blurs. She put her into bed and went back downstairs; cuddle up on her couch with her blanket.

"_Lil' Lil' Look what I can do" A little blonde girl turned to the other little girl with curly hair, who was looking at her so proudly._

"_Show me"_

"_I want mummy to see too" _

_Lilly, who was 8 years old at the time, looked towards the inside of the house where she could hear plates being broken._

"_I'm sure she can see you, just show me"_

"_ok"_

_The curls flew in the hair as Christina did several cartwheels...and finished very proudly the last one on her butt. She was laughing_

"_I did three, did you see Lil'"_

"_That was great" Christina ran towards her sister and hugged her very tightly._

"_I love you Lil'"_

"_I love you Tina"_

"_Lilly?"_

"_Yes Tina" Lilly replied patiently._

"_When we grow up and we're old like mummy, I wanna be like you, will you be my sister forever?" Christina smiled, hugging her sister more tightly as she also heard the noises coming from their kitchen._

"_Of course I will be. Let's make it one of our secret promises…" The little girls counted until 3 and shook their hands going finger by finger. "We'll always be sisters"._

Lilly suddenly woke up, she could feel the tears going down her cheeks, her first reflex was to take her cell phone and to speed dial Scotty.

His sleepy voice answered:

"Lil""

"How do you know that was me?"

"I got called ID, come on now are you a detective from the 21st century?"

His attempt to make her smile failed miserably. He did not want to ask her why she was calling. He had to admit he was surprised by it but he also thought that if he asked any questions, she would realize that she was letting him in inside her private sphere and would shut down very fast.

"I'm sorry I called you that late. I think I just wanted to hear a familiar voice. Maybe I just wanted to know that I could call you. I don't know. I'm sorry"

Before he could utter another word, she had already hung up.

"Get a grip Rush. You can do it alone. You have to". She tightened the blanket closer to her shivering lonely body and closed her eyes, going back to the world of her dreams and memories.

When she woke up, still tired, the next morning, she thought for a moment that everything had just been her imagination but the coat of her sister on the chair and the steps she heard upstairs in her room made her realize she was in for a long week-end. Definitely not the one she had expected as she was getting ready to go out with Scotty the night before.

She heard her sister's footsteps going down slowly. She took a deep breath and went to make some coffee hating herself for the fact that she'd rather have vodka than coffee but she had promised herself to never start drinking before at least a certain time of the day.

She was busy in the kitchen when her sister finally made it down the stairs.

"Lil'" Lilly waited a minute to gather her strength before turning around.

"Christina, what do you want?" Her tone was not as harsh as she wanted it to be.

"I know I can't stay here, I know you hate me, I know Scotty hates me"

"Don't say his name"

"So you finally realized why you reacted that way when he and I started dating or whatever we were doing. You got so angry; you said it was the same as with Patrick. It wasn't. I swear it wasn't. If I had known that you had feelings for him, I never would have had tried or done or thought or even looked….I just…Lil' I'm such a mess." Tears were going down freely Christina's once so beautiful and innocent face.

Lilly looked straight at her trying to decide if it was one of her sister's tricks but for a split second, she saw the lost little girl her sister had also once been. She also noticed the dark bruises under Christina's eyes.

"What happened? For now, I don't want to talk about anything but what happened to you during the past years. I don't want you to talk about a past that I've been trying to bury. Just keep it to the facts."

"The first question you asked me Lil' is why I was here…I called you and I called…anyhow I did not know who to turn to, as usual you would say, Christina screws up and she goes to Lilly, that's the scenario…Well the last time, I couldn't do that because I really screwed up and you did not want me, you would have never in a millions years given me another chance. I'm not asking you for one. I'm not, Lil'. I'm just so lost and you seem to be the only one who I can just hold on to. No matter what, I love you. I know you can't believe and god who would blame you. But Lil' I don't know what to do, I just…I just don't anymore. And when you told me Mom had died, then I sunk even lower and it's just a big spiral…."

Lilly had listened to the words, trying to register any information, but she heard all that before. Everything her sister had just said, she could replay it one way or another in her mind from several years ago…It was the first time thought that Christina really looked lost as if her spirit had left her body for better pastures.

She handed a cup of fuming coffee to her sister.

"Who did that to you, the blue eye, the bruises?"

"A guy…never went back to New York you know, I was involved in the credit card fraud. It started how I said you know, at the beginning I did not know and then…I realized and I played along. I was getting some perks."  
"Come on Christina, are you just plain stupid?"

"I thought you would know that apparently I am"

"Whatever, just keep on talking, we'll figure things out later"

They kept on talking, never approaching the subjects that would have shut down their conversation, that would have started the yelling and the pain.

Christina explained to Lilly how she had gone away from Philadelphia to hide in Michigan for awhile. There, it did not come very easy to her. She thought she had meant a wonderful guy and he turned out to be a drug dealer, who abused her and she had finally had the strength to just leave.

Lilly did not know what to do, she felt somehow compelled to help her but she just could not keep images from coming back to her. She had so much hate built up inside, so much pain and despair.

Her cell phone rang several times over the week-end, Scotty left at least 10 messages but she did not return nor respond. It was not the time, she wanted to just focus on her job for awhile and she had to figure out what to do with Christina. She probably could lose her job over her staying at her place knowing she was still researched for credit card fraud.

On Monday morning, she was at work bright and early, digging through the diary of Sue. She was surprised that Stillman was still not there. She tried to reach him but his cell phone went on right away.

The rest of the team arrived gradually. When Scotty opened the door, he did not know what to expect from Lilly. This was a man not afraid of much except of losing the one he loved and Lilly Rush was definitely falling into this category, even if he had a difficult time to face up to it.

Jeffries came in a bit later than usual, surprised to see the office working in such a calm environment.

"Ok what happened?"

They all look at each other surprised except Scotty and Lilly who had not said more than a "good morning" to each other.

"Where is Boss" Lilly asked concerned "I tried to call him but I just get his answering machine"

"I don't know much more, apparently he's coming back in the middle of the week. Any luck on the diary?"

Kat raised her eyes: "She explains a little bit about how she felt after the rape. It's heartbreaking to read, the woman was lost and she didn't know what to do. She does talk about going to see her mom and how it all went down. However, she also mentions that she went back there and that her mom and her brother came to visit her, or were supposed to visit her. The last entry which was just a few days before her death talks about how surprised she was by her mother and she did not know how to take it. Listen to this

"Dear Diary

I've always wanted to give you a name but I never did. Anyhow, I'm just trying to distract my mind for what is really occupying it. The baby inside of me is growing, the product of such hate, I don't understand. I don't know what to do. Of course, mother at the beginning blamed it all on my new surroundings but then she seemed to finally open up to me. I learned more about her and how she feels. In one way, this horrible experience finally got us closer together. She said she could find a solution, but she needs to make sure of some things first. For the very first time, she held me close and let me cry on her shoulder. She hugged me and caressed my hair. She told me she was proud of me. I don't know why tears are now falling down, because of the horror that happened to me, of the loneliness without my loving husband, or because I finally discovered my mother. I'm confused. I have to think about everything she told me…"

"Hmmm…I wonder if the friend knew something about all that" Scotty said, looking up, from the papers he was reading.

"The friend is mentioned several times and they seem quite close" Nick replied

"Since when do you understand something about female friendship? Or is there something you want to tell us Nicky?" Kat laughed.

Lilly smiled and Scotty's heart skipped a beat realizing once more how beautiful she was and how much he wanted to protect her from any hurt. Ironic, he thought, since we work in homicide…we got our share of scary.

"Lilly, Scotty go talk to the friend of Sue. Kat and Nick, I think it's time you ask the brother to come see us again here. Maybe he will like our offices better to explain how come he did not reveal going to his sister's afterwards".

"Ok…I have a question…Why am I paired again with Nick? I mean come on…it's getting old"

"You're getting old" replied Nick

"See, what I'm talking about, it's like working in a Kindergarten"

Scotty and Lilly had not moved and Jeffries turned to them with a question mark written all over his face:

"You guys got a problem with your team too?"

"No no" Lilly muttered "Let's go"

They took their coat and headed out.

"Are we going to talk about this?" Scotty stopped Lilly before she climbed in the car.

"Honestly, not right now. I just….not right now. We gotta work to do" Lilly replied without looking at him.

"Fine" Scotty knew he could be as stubborn as her and they had already worked in high tension situations where most of their word exchanges had been grunts rather than actual words. However, after the evening and the time they had been spending together, it seemed like a ridiculous idea to go backwards. His temper got the better of him and he went on.

"Goddammit' Lil'. Why are you pushing away?"

"Pushing away from what? From whom? I'm not pushing away cos I've got nothing to push away from" She screamed back at him.

"I want to be your emergency number Lil. I want to be there when you call at 3 in the morning cos you feel lonely, or because you can't sleep. I want to hear that laugh of yours"

"I don't want to be saved Scotty. I don't need to be saved."

"Who said anything about being saved?" he replied angrily.

"Can't you see Lil' We're the lucky ones." He went on.

She stopped for a moment as she heard the last words, she stayed silent, raising her eyes to him.

"You're the one who said it once Lil. That kind of things comes only once in a lifetime and you gotta hold on or you're going to lose it and I'm telling you right now I want to hold on to it but I can't do it alone. That ain't going to work that way.

His dark brown eyes locked into her sapphire eyes and he whispered again: "We're the lucky ones". He kissed her softly on the cheek "we gotta hold on to it."

He turned away and climbed in the car knowing that he could not push further. She had to make a step in his direction, meet him halfway. She had to fight for it too. Whatever that "it" might be…

**A/N**: Please please please…one more please, review….Let me know what you think about this chapter…


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer**: do not own, no I really don't…I wish I did

**A/N**: Thank you so much for all the reviews, keep them coming my way. I really appreciate the time you guys take to read the story, and I am very thankful for all of you who still have the strength after the reading to hit the review button…

**Chapter 11**

Lilly stayed frozen for a few minutes trying to register what Scotty had just told her.

She did not understand how he could read her so easily and how he knew what she needed to hear, though that scared her more than having a gun pointed at her.

She remembered that case involving the two men who had fallen in love while being partners on the police force and how she had explained to the one who survived the hatred: "You were the lucky ones". She really had believed so, if you find somebody who can make you smile, who is there for you and who you realize turns your world upside down in a good way, then you're lucky. She just never understood that she could be as lucky. All the men who came into her life seems to just leave her, none of them stuck long enough to really see her with her guards down, well except Ray…and now she thought of except Scotty…

"Goddammit" she finally said out loud and she climbed in the car next to the man, who was trying to break in all the defenses she had left.

Lilly Rush also had a temper and she was about to show a piece of it to somebody who cared enough to challenge her.

"What do you know Valens? What gives you the right? You think, you can just come in, smile and make my world ok?" She took a breath "You have no idea what it's like do you?"

Scotty looked at her, not believing that she was now the one yelling but he was not one to stay quiet either.

"Lilly Rush, victim of the century. See, Lilly you think you're a fighter, well you have the victim syndrome. You think that you are the only one who suffered in your life? For crying out loud, you work homicide, cold cases, you should know a bit about people that had it even harder than you."

Lilly's mouth had dropped open, she could not believe that he was blaming her for the things that happened to her.

"And no I'm not saying you're responsible for what happened to you." She turned with surprise to him, wondering if she had spoken her words out loud or if Scotty Valens just knew her better that she even knew herself.

"I just want you to see that you can trust people, Lil'. You can trust me. I ain't perfect and you know that but I ain't going anywhere. I'm here for you"

Lilly closed her eyes for a minute "You know I'm there for you. Just say "hey"" and he had been she thought….

She swallowed some of her pride, the one standing as a wall between them, and she said:

"What you said Scotty just hit home. I had some stupid meetings with a counselor and I realized, I don't have anybody to call…" She took a deep breath

"At the hospital, they would ask me who they needed to contact and I have got nobody…and then this week-end, I was not feeling well and the first person I though of was you, I called you and you picked up. Somehow having someone who's there is scarier that not having anybody…" She stopped and Scotty took her hand in his.

"I'm scared too Lil'. Having Charlenes is more easier because it's less dangerous. You know…I…." He took a pause trying to find his words…

"I had somebody, and she was my everything…and she left….she chose to leave me, because I couldn't help her, because…." Scotty tried to go on, he wanted to man up, to not fall into the questioning of why Elisa had left…had made the decision to jump…

Lilly put her head on his shoulder:

"You know Valens, Elisa would never have left you if her sickness did not take the best of her. You'd probably be married by now and we wouldn't be having this conversation"

"Actually we probably would, because I'm your friend and I wouldn't let you alone. Of course, I probably wouldn't be doing that" He took her face into his strong hands, looked deep into her eyes trying to read her soul and kissed her with all the passion he had for her.

"But Lil' Elisa had taught me something, love, and I can recognize it when I see it"

Lilly chuckled and sighed heavily: "God Valens, you certainly know how to talk to a woman"

"Not a woman Lil' you…" and then he laughed realizing what he had just said. She hit him playfully on the shoulder: "Thanks detective very nice…"

She took a more serious tone: ":Listen, I don't know what's going on with us, I don't know what's going on with my sister, who you slept with, by the way" She could not help but saying it "I have things to sort out and whatever we're doing, I need to think about it later, I just can't right now…And we have a case to solve. Remember?"

Scotty smiled at her: "There you go, work that's a nice excuse". He was a bit relieved, of course their conversation had not gone flawlessly but he felt like a big step had been taken in the right direction.

The ride to Ms Patters, Sue's friend, was still not the most comfortable they ever had but it was definitely not the worse. They came to a tacit agreement to let this part of their lives at the door, they just did not know how long they could keep it that way.

"At least I'm not getting the ice queen" Scotty thought as they walked towards the house and rang the bell. Lilly was looking at him and Scotty had the feeling she was trying to evaluate him, just like she sometimes did with suspects, not saying a word, just looking…

He smiled at her: "You know if you want to know something, just ask", she shook her head: "not now but I will…", she smiled back and he felt comforted. Seeing her smile made him believe that maybe they will indeed get somewhere together, to a place he had not been since the death of Elisa, or to be honest since she started feeling sick.

After what seemed forever, the door opened and an old lady greeted them with a smile.

"You must be the detectives on Sue's case. Please come on in" She said

"Thanks you Ms Patters. I'm detective Rush and this is detective Valens"

"Handsome young man" She winked at him while Lilly could not help but laughing

"I'm sorry but…it's been awhile any man visited this house, it's not like when I was young. They used to come in lines waiting at the door or waiting for a dance…But anyways I'm just a nostalgic old lady. At least I got to experience life, poor Sue didn't"

"We were wondering if you could tell us a few things about Sue, things maybe her husband didn't know…" Lilly explained.

The old lady put her head down, when she finally looked up, Lilly could see anger and sadness in her eyes, gone was the carefree talks.

"Let me show you something" She stood up and went to get several pictures.

"This was my Sue before John went to war, look how happy we look"

Lilly and Scotty studied the yellowish picture. They recognized Sue, smiling to the camera, holding on to John's hand, while he had his arm around another beautiful girl, who pretended to blow kisses at the photographer.

"It was Pat who took the picture, I was in love with him, he did not care about me. All he could see was Sue and she did not recognize it. She was so wrapped into her love story with John. I hated him so much after what he did to her. I couldn't believe it at the beginning. She came to me the day after, she was crying, she couldn't talk. It hurt so much to see her that way. I told her she should talk to the police and she said "who'd believe me?". You know back then, that wasn't rape, that was just "female misbehavior", no means you're just playing around…Anyhow…times have changed I hope. I also knew she was pregnant. She was devastated, asked me what she should do…I didn't know, a woman did not really have a choice back then"

She took a pause as she explained what she had told Sue.

"_I'm sorry Sue, I don't know what to say. Men like him should be castrated. I cannot believe I used to wish he would see me the same way as you. Come here" The tall blonde girl pulled Sue into a hug._

"_What am I going to do, Laura? What am I going to do? Do you know anybody who could…you know…take care of it for me? I don't know if that's I want to do but I know John would kill him if he knew… or he wouldn't believe me…I told my mom, you know. She said I must have brought it on me, always acting like I knew better….But then, she came back and she apologized and…she said she would give me money for it." _

_Laura opened her eyes wide in surprise and gasped._

"_Your mother, the all righteous Mrs Barrington would give you money for that. See, I told you I can't judge people…are you going to accept?"_

"_I don't know, it's just so hard, I really don't know what I'm going to do, I just thought maybe you knew somebody because you know…"_

"_Because I've done it before…Well, the guy who did that for me got arrested, apparently several women died after and for me, I just think I can never be pregnant again. He was just, you know, a guy who said he was a doctor, he wasn't…I bled for 5 days…"_

_Laura stopped remembering the pain and the shame, she too had been raped but in her case she really thought it was her fault. She did not realize that she also said "no" and that her date had no right to do what he did to her. She did not want to admit it though, it would hurt even more she thought…_

"So, did you give her the name of somebody?" Scotty asked

"Yes, I did, this man was supposed to know what he was doing…For a certain time, I actually thought maybe she died because it did not work out well…but now, that I know somebody killed her, I would be it was Pat…He never got over her. She told me again later how he tried to come back to see her, but she wouldn't open the door. And something was stranger about her mother too. This woman just never seemed to understand Sue, the entire family almost dishonored her when she married John…She was so special, she was the kind of woman you thought would have a life of gold no matter how much money she had. And…she was my best friend, you know, the one I could tell everything to. I never had somebody as close to me again."

"Thank you for your help Ms Patters, please do not hesitate to call us if you remember anything else" Lilly said.

Back at the office, Kat and Nick were talking to Jeffries, when Scotty and Lilly entered.

Apparently, Sue's brother did not show up and they were trying to find him.

"Any luck on your side?" Jeffries asked

"Ms Patters was a big help and I think she had a little crush on Scotty" Lilly said smiling.

"Can't women see that La Bamba is all talk no action?" Vera replied rolling his eyes.

"Yeah while you're no talking and all eating, if that's you call action" Kat nudged Nick playfully.

Scotty grinned in his special self assured way: "What can I do, ladies young, old…"

"Anyhow" Lilly continued "We found out that Sue's mother was ready to pay for an abortion and her friend had given her a name, maybe her brother knows about that…Plus it seems our dear Pat may have lied to us again. We probably should go back to the retirement home, maybe Scotty can find himself another lady love"

"If we could only find Sue's brother, he did not go to work and we've been trying to track him down for the past few hours."

The phone rang at this exact moment.

"It seems like we found him, he tried to commit suicide, he's at the hospital. They're allowing us to only see him tomorrow. So, try to find some more info into what Sue wrote and then we'll go on tomorrow." Jeffries announced.

"Yes boss" They all said at once

Jeffries rolled his eyes before walking towards Stillman's office.

The afternoon went on pretty slowly and soon it was time for Lilly to go home. As she went to get her coat, she did not see Scotty who was also ready to leave and bumped into him.

"Sorry…" She said looking up at him and blushing under his gaze.

"Don't worry about it. Listen if you need any help with anything…"

"I know I just have to say "hey""

"Right and Lil', don't forget what I told you" he caressed her face for a second before leaving her alone with her thoughts.

As soon as she entered her place, she noticed a very familiar smell, one that could bring her back to her childhood quicker than looking at pictures. This smell was connected to her mom passing out on the floor, her mom suddenly bursting out laughing before going deep into sobers, her mom sending her for more when the last drops had been gone, her mom not knowing which day it was anymore, her mom getting mad for nothing and then apologizing….This smell now seemed to have taken over her house and she knew what that meant: Christina had found the liquor cabinet…

She slowly went inside as in walking back into her past.

"Chris?" She asked but there was no answer just a whimping sound coming from upstairs, she sounded like a hurt animal left on the side of a road.

Lilly smiled sadly at the thought: "road kills, that's what we almost became once"

"_Mommy, I don't think you should drive" The little girl with scars fading on her face pleaded with the woman in her pyjamas._

"_You don't tell me what to do young lady!" The woman sluttered her words as if she did not know how to make sentences anymore. Her hair was disheveled, her breath smelled like a mixture of vodka and perfume. She had the tendency to drink a bit of her perfume when she ran out of alcohol…_

"_We made it here didn't we?, we can go back…I wanted to take my girls for a ride and you're not even thankful. Where is your sister? I told you to look after her!" _

_Lilly turned to see her little sister playing with the snow next to where their car was parked._

"_She's right there" Lilly said calmly, knowing all too well that there was no way to discuss when her mother had reached that stage. However, she also knew she didn't want to climb into the car again. Their way there had already been a bit dangerous but the rest of the bottle her mother drank made it more than life threatening to go back with her. Lilly wished she had somebody to rely on but she got used to the fact that Christina was all she really had. Her little sister with her beautiful smile was not very helpful to Lilly at the moment however._

"_Fine be that way, see how you can get home now with that big mouth of yours" Her mom left leaving them behind. Lilly was cold and the red nose of Christina told her that she was cold too. Her sister walked towards her._

"_Where did mom go?"_

"_Home" _

"_Can we stay here? I want to make snow angels just like we did with mummy yesterday? Lilly paused for a moment, yesterday had been a good day, one of those she kept in her heart as a "maybe". Maybe her mom would get better and they could again laugh and be carefree like children should be._

"_Ok, let's make some snow angels Tina" And both little girls fell on the snowy floor, laughing…After an hour of playing around, Lilly realized it was getting dark and they should try to head back. She knew that with the car, they would only be 20 minutes away but walking…she was not quite sure…._

_She took Christina's hand and they started walking bravely in the cold and in the dark. Lost in her thoughts, Lilly did not see a car that was sliding on the road. Christina shrieked and pushed her sister on the side falling on top of her. Lilly hugged her tightly, whispering a "thank you". Christina did not realize that she had saved both of their lives and Lilly promised herself to take even better care of her sister. They walked, not encountering many other cars but it was normal for a Christmas' eve. Everybody was already celebrating with their families…When they arrived, out of breath, in front of their house, the door was wide open and their mom passed out in the entrance. Lilly closed the door, put a banklet over her mom and turned with a happy face towards her little sister._

"_Come on Tina, I'll make you hot chocolate and then we have to go to bed, Santa is going to come you know" Christina turned to Lilly with happy eyes "Do you think he has something for me?" "I'm sure" Lilly replied as she had already taken one of her old toys and wrapped it to surprise her sister the next day._

She made her way upstairs and found her sister curled up in bed, a bottle of vodka empty on the side. Tears were rolling down her face. She was wearing pajama shorts and a tank top, which Lilly recognized to be hers. However, this was not the fact that Christina once more taken something from her that made Lilly gasp.

Christina's body was full of bruises and hematomas.

"Who did that to you?" Lilly asked softly, tears pearling at the corner of her eyes. She wanted so hard to be strong and to have the strength to turn away from her sister. She knew she was trouble but again, their common past, the way they used to stand up for one another just came back to her. Christina was trouble, no doubt about that, but she was the only family that Lilly had…

Christina looked up but couldn't form the words to explain what had happened. All she could say was "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry"

Lilly refrained from saying out loud the "I've heard that song before", she just climbed in bed next to her sister and held her until she went to sleep. She knew she would have to wait, yet again, to know what really happened to Christina. She just wished she knew magic words to make it all easier on them, but the past can not forgotten, and she didn't know if it could be forgiven…

**A/N:** Wow, it was quite a long chapter…Let me know if you enjoyed reading it, I enjoyed writing it…please please please review.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: don't own them…don't own the show…I do own my ideas to a certain extent…

A/N: Sorry it took me quite awhile to update, week at work has been looong. Let me know what you think about this chapter….

* * *

**Chapter 12**

Scotty was back home, working out. That was usually a way for him to release some tension. He did right after Elisa's death, just pushing everything out of the way, as if he was trying to close down his memory. Trying to forget….Tonight was one of those nights. He was really trying to get through to Lilly, he knew he had to be patient but he also knew he was partly responsible for the situation he was in at the moment. If he had listened to Nick that night at the bar then he could be by Lilly's side, and he could help her.

_Flashback_

_Vera: But what you can't do, is Rush's sister, you know what I mean_

_Scotty: What are you thinking? What are you talking about?_

_Vera: Scotty I'm serious, anything but that._

But now all he could do was look from a distance....He shook his head and kept on doing some push ups. It was either that or having a hard drink. He just did not know any other way to deal with the feelings boiling inside of him. When his mind finally started to become more numb, he took a shower, and went to bed, alone.

His cell phone woke him up at about 3am, he grumbled but gasped when seeing who was calling him.

Lilly could not believe that she was calling again Scotty at that time, it was not drunk dialing but rather desperate dialing. She was at the end of her rope. She was deeply asleep when she heard the door of her house. She woke up instantly, thinking somebody might have entered and her cop instincts first took over. However, when she turned to protect the one she never seemed to understand, her blood, she realized her sister had gone. She first did not notice the letter on the pillow. She got up quickly and ran downstairs, trying to find her, calling her softly as if she was trying not to scare her. She realized the door was wide opened. The wind was coming in bringing some snow with it. She shivered but didn't take the time to put shoes on nor a coat. She was afraid for her sister, she had felt something was broken inside Christina, and she knew that no matter what ever happened between the two, she was her only family, she was the one she grew up with, she was the one she laughed with, cried with, tried to protect, was hugged by…She was her past and she was the one in that past with whom she had the most happy moments…She wanted to know what had happened, she was ready, she was strong enough to hear it and her sister disappearing would again leave a hole in her heart that nobody could fix….

She ran, now unaware of the cold, in the dark streets. It was one of those moments where she did not have full control of herself, one of those moments where the mask was totally off, where she was vulnerable…She stopped out of breath realizing that she couldn't find her and slowly made her way back home, where both her cats were waiting for her by the door. She didn't feel the tears coming down, she had become numb but this time, she had somebody she could lean on. She didn't want to analyze if it would be a good idea to call him at this time, but she couldn't be alone right at this minute.

She reached for the cell phone she had left on the counter and dialed the number she knew could at least bring some peace to her tormented mind.

The sleepy voice suddenly became warm and serious when she said the three little letters she had used once before.

"Hey"

She didn't know that by using this, she made Scotty's heart skip a beat, all he could think about was "somebody is here to shoot her and I won't make it on time"

"Can you talk?" he asked full of worry and now totally awake.

"Yes…it's not somebody is killing me call…" She smiled, she couldn't believe that she smiled about that episode of her life, but somehow he was giving her the strength to do so and she knew that he was probably panicking at the other line of the phone.

"Ok" he answered slowly "So tell me what kind of call is this? A booty call? Just to make something clear, I wouldn't be against it" His fingers were tight around his cell phone.

She took awhile to answer, she was fighting against the tears.

"No, not that kind of call either. I'm just wondering if maybe you could come over."

He didn't ask why, he didn't question the time, he just answered without even thinking once second.

"I'll be here as soon as possible" Lilly started to breathe a little more easily when she realized he would be there soon. She put a blanket around her shivering body and cuddled with her two cats, who seemed very worried to see her in that stage.

He never thought he could drive that fast, he knew how to act when people reached for his help but when it came to Lilly, he was not quite sure he could find the right way, the perfect words she needed.

When he entered, she seemed so fragile. He stopped for a moment and called her name softly. She looked up and he saw many emotions going through her: sadness, relief and a twinkle of hope. He did not want to approach her, as somehow he was afraid that she would just tell him to go home, that she did not really need him. However, when he saw the tears that she had held back finally releasing so many feelings that she held back throughout the years, he rushed to her side and just held her. She was not saying a word, she was clutching to him, her head buried into his shoulder. He was caressing her back softly, whispering in Spanish, giving her his strength and his calm: "tranquilo bella, tranquilo mi querida, calmate…shhhh, todo esta bien, te prometo, estoy aqui para ti, tranquilo, tranquilo"

His soothing voice seemed to be working. She was slowly calming down but she did not pull away as he had feared, she stayed with her arms around his neck. Her body seemed to get warmer as well, he had not noticed that her t-shirt was wet until now.

He lowered his head and kissed her hair tenderly. She finally looked up.

"You're freezing, what happened?" he asked

"I went outside" She explained as if it was the most natural reaction to go outside at 3 in the morning, in her pyjamas while it was snowing…

"Ok…makes sense I'm sure." He nudged her very slightly.

"It's Christina, she left in the middle of the night and I don't know why but I got scared for her…I got the feeling to be so alone again, to have missed something in my life…and I called you, I needed you." She admitted without looking into the warm brown eyes searching her soul.

"I'm here mi Linda, mi bella, mi querida" He held her a bit more tightly if it was even possible, kissing her neck, sending butterflies to her stomach, making her shiver from different expectations. She did not know what it was but she was just feeling more right and more secure and more alive that she had did in years.

The desire she had for him could not be denied any longer, the feelings she had buried deep inside were suddenly resurfacing. She started responding to his touch, she looked straight in his eyes and starting taking his coat away, he smiled lightly but his face suddenly became more serious when she pulled his tshirt away as well leaving his skin against her skin, she ran his fingers on his torso, kissing the spots where she had just put her fingers on. They were getting lost in the moment, they were getting lost in each other and nothing could have stopped them at this particular instant. He could not hold himself back and finally got the taste of her skin, he gently took off her wet shirt and with authority took control of the situation, and for once she did not try to compete with him, she just accepted his touch, his desire and responded without trying to take control…She did not regret it, the pleasure came in waves for both of them…

They were both laying on the small couch, too small for the both of them but their bodies tightly entangled to one another were finding a way to make it work.

"Hmmm…I did not think it was going to be a booty call" she said smiling, searching his eyes for an answer she did not dare to ask.

"it ain't a booty call Lil' it was a wake-up call" He kissed her tenderly. He did not know how to ask her what had brought her to this stage of vulnerability, he was afraid that once morning would come, so would her wall against him, against the rest of the world…

But for now, he would be content with just holding her until they had to figure out what was going on. Something had changed, or rather something that had been there all along was finally conscious to them.

While they fell back asleep, the letter of Christina stayed untouched on the bed, waiting to be read, so that some mysteries would maybe finally get revealed.

* * *

A/N: they finally got closer…let's wait and see what Christina's letter was saying, and the case will have to get solved…Review please review…Thank you to everybody reading the story…


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Do not own Cold Case…

A/N: Thank you for the reviews….Let me know what you think about this chapter…

**Chapter 13**

They didn't sleep long; they woke up entangled as the same way as when they had drifted off. Lilly could not believe she had taken that step with a coworker, with a partner.

"I must have been crazy" she thought. However, looking at the man she was hugging tightly, she also knew that this craziness was not a simple infatuation. It was not a drunk moment; she could have cast it as a moment of weakness, which it technically was. She was a bit confused.

Scotty didn't move at first, the macho man he could, the feisty detective found himself in a very unknown place.

Their eyes finally met and they laughed, they didn't really know why but some of the tension in the air was at least released.

Scotty kissed the blonde woman.

"Good Morning Linda"

He gave an appreciative look to the body that had not found its way to clothes yet. Lilly blushed. Scotty laughed again, amazed that he could that effect on he strong woman he admired. However she quickly took control of herself.

"Well at least I'm glad you didn't call me Charlene".

He nudged her slightly/

"You ain't going to let this one go,…"

She smiled but this beautiful smile of hers faded when she remembered why her partner was there. "Christina" she thought and then to her own horror, she also remembered that the man who had made what resembled so much love to her the night before had also touched her sister. She felt her stomach tighten.

She stiffened in his arms, and quickly got up.

"At least you didn't call me Christina" She murmured, accusatory.

Scotty wasn't quite sure he understood the words correctly. What was he supposed to say? How could he even start to explain to her?

He had not known at that particular time in his life that he would feel this strongly about Lilly. Plus let's face it…Christina was a bit less complicated in her own way…Of course she came with baggage but easy laugh…warm body, no questions, no past and no future…In the surface she was more "simple".

However, he knew Lilly well enough to not explain this to her at that particular moment.

She simply would not listen and he was not ready to start another fight.

He just pretended he didn't hear anything and slowly stoop up.

"I should go home…I'll see you at work in a bit, Linda". He quickly put his clothes back on while she was doing the same. They looked at each other, he caressed her face gently, warmly, and trying to communicate with her since he knew words could be dangerous. He kissed her deeply, she didn't resist and he left.

She slowly made her way to the shower; letting the warm water wash away her thought…She was done getting ready putting what seemed to be her armor for the day, when she started petting Olivia who was resting on her bed.

She noticed a piece of paper on one of the pillows. With trembling hands, she reached for it, recognizing the handwriting of her sister. She sat down of the edge of the bed and brought herself to read the words that the one who hurt her so badly could not bring herself to say out loud, the words Lilly would not have accepted to hear anyhow. She did not know how she could not have felt Christina waking up in the night, looking for a piece of paper, a pen…but she also knew it would not be the first time, her sister disappeared, she had mastered the art.

_Dear Lilly_

_I woke up in the middle of the night, sick to my stomach. I know what you must have thought seeing that I had left "She just took ff again, ran away cos' that I what she does"_

_Maybe you're right but this time I want to tell you what I can never bring myself when you're in front of me…My sister, my mother, my friend, my blood…Maybe you think it's just the rest of the alcohol haze writing. Maybe it is///but…please read._

_You're not responsible for any of my failures, not you who hides her weakness behind the mask and the ice I know too well. I also know that the ice has not always been there, it built other time and I helped raising the barrier you use to protect yourself. I'm sorry, those little words I said to you so many times, and I wish I knew a way to make it right…._

_When I went away last time, I knew I had damaged you again. You were worried about Scotty but for him I was a way to get other the woman he had loved so much. I tried to make something out of it but it wasn't there. It was just two lost souls, two lost bodies finding their way to one another…I hurt his pride, his faith in people but I didn't hurt him by leaving, I helped him and I hope I somehow helped you too…Don't get me wrong, I as also running away. I didn't want to face the cops, didn't want to take responsibility. I've never been so good at that. On my run, I met that guy and I thought I had found love but I got deeper into alcohol, he started beating up. I never knew what love is supposed to be like. People say you learn it when you're little. I learned love from you mostly but I screwed it up with Patrick…I know you don't want to go back there, to our darkest moment…but I think I was just trying to be you or to prove myself I could be as good as you…I don't know. I didn't think about the hurt, the scars I would leave. I wish I could turn back time and I can't…Just like I wish I would have gone with you that night when mom told you to go get her alcohol and that man beat you up so much. I remember you saying that I should just stay home, that I was too little, but you were so little too Lil'…Do you remember we promised we would always be sisters?...I'm the one who screwed it up, all of it…I don't know when it started…I used to blame mom but now knowing she's dead, I wish I could tell her the good things I remember, I didn't get to make peace with her…I don't know if you did…I hated her so much at some point, one of her flings, Dave, he was the one after the 2__nd__ husband, you were already gone form the house , studying most of the time at the library, I was 14 years old…you were 19…he got tired that mom couldn't give him what he wanted when she was passed out…and he found me…Maybe that's when I became even more unaware about what love really is. When mom noticed something, she kicked him out and she held me, crying…I had not tears…I became stone but I think unlike you I was just not strong enough and I started to try to find love in any places I could…_

_I know I screw it up, but I don't want to anymore Lil'. I came here because I wanted to tell you all of that and because I need refuge…that guy, the one who gave me all the bruises, who cut my hair because it apparently was attractive to other men…he made me realize that I didn't have to accept all that, he made me see that I had to fight and not the way I used to fight…but I also found alcohol again….I just don't know if I can do it, but I promise you I will try because I want to make it all better for you….I also realized that if I stay here, I would bring you even more troubles…and I think you have something good going for you, with Scotty...I have to think things through, about what I need to do to really make it better, so maybe you can look at me again with that smile on your face…_

_Lilly, I'm sorry and I love you_

She could see the tears on the paper, mixing with her own. She was crying for the time lost, for the disappointments, for the betrayals, the past…Somehow, she was liberating herself from the demons of her past, not realizing that they would still haunt her until she found peace with herself…until she would finally accept to let go of the control…She took the letter in her hands: "Where did you go again?" She finally brought herself together, got ready, left for the one place, where she could pretend she was ok. She wanted to bury herself into work. She didn't know how to do relationships, how to make them work. She didn't know if her story with Scotty could overcome her doubts, knowing oh too well that he was battling giants of his own.

A/N: next chapter will focus on the case and on the interactions between Nick/Scotty as well as Kat/Lilly…


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Do not own Cold Case – why does it hurt a bit every time I write this? ;-)

A/N: ok this is a way overdue update – but work is keeping me too busy. I didn't see much of the daylight… However this chapter is a bit longer than the others. So please hit the review button and let me know what you think.

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**Chapter 14**

Stepping into the office, everything seemed the same as when she left it. Scotty made if before her somehow. He looked up when she entered, pushing a fuming cup of coffee on her desk.

"Though you might need it" he smiled, a smile full of promise she wasn't sure she could leveled up to.

"Thanks" she replied, fighting the urge to look away.

"Hey Taco Bell" Vera said

Scotty rolled his eyes

"What do you want McDonald?"

Lilly and Kat exchanged an amused look

"You guys do know your fast food places. Sometimes I wish my daughter would be here to teach you one or two things about name calling…She's too sweet to be real good at it, but she's better than you…."  
She turned to Lilly:"You want to let Siegfried and Roy go back to see Ms Patters…she called and said she wanted to talk "sugar pie" to come. It seems she was talking about this one here" She pointed to Scotty.

"We could go see Davis, Sue's brother. It seems he can receive visits."

Lilly looked gratefully at her colleague: "Sounds perfect". She was relieved to not have to work with Scotty today.

"Did you have breakfast?" Scotty asked, looking at Nock.

"Yeah…so sweet of you to ask" Nick replied

"Just want to make sure you won't use me as a meal"

"You're lame" Nick retorted.

"You're both lame" Jeffries eyes were smiling but his face was serious and it turned even more so when Scotty asked: "No new news from Boss?"

"He won't be back for another week. He has to get operated…" He paused "and before you all start questioning me as if I was a main suspect…I don't know that that…I don't even know in which hospital he will be yet…"

He turned back to the office grumbling about "stupid administrative work…sitting all day…"

Kat nodded towards Lilly "I'll be ready in 5"

Lilly started gathering her things; she didn't see but rather felt somebody behind her. She could recognize the scent even more than before and her skin reacted to the man who gently posed a hand on her waist whispering softly "You ain't off the hook Linda..why don't you come over tonight?" Lilly nodded, not believing the power he was gaining over her…also not knowing if she would really go.

In the car, Kat couldn't help but notice that Lilly seemed a little out of it, not by much but for someone used to working with her, she could sense that her colleague wasn't 100% there. "Something on your mind Lil?'" She asked knowing perfectly well that she probably wouldn't get an answer.

"No" Lilly lied trying to make her voice as innocent as possible. Kat made an understanding face. "well if you wanna talk, I'm here for you. You know that."

Lilly nodded, thinking that she had more support than what she ever realized. She remembered Scotty telling her the same thing after he mom had passed away. She was not ready to open up to Kat but somehow, knowing that her coworkers were extending the hand of friendship to her, she relaxed a bit. She pushed away the dark thought knowing, oh too well, they could show their ugly head soon enough again…

She also realized she never really asked Kat how she was doing. They worked together, they had drinks once in a while, they laughed but they never really talked. She decided it was time to change this.

"How are you doing?' She asked

Kat looked surprised.

Are we trying to have a normal conversation" She replied laughing

Lilly smile: "Well I know we usually like to talk about dead bodies, doers, …. But I think we could show Nick and Scotty who are the bigger persons…"

"Those two are sometimes acting more like turbulent kids than cops and when Jeffries is not all busy doing Stillman's job, it's the three musketeers all over except their goal is definitely not to protect the king but to make as much noise a possible. Talking about Stillman, have you heard anything?" Kat asked, worry in her voice. She knew as everybody else in the office that Lilly and Stillman had developed a bond over the years. Lilly shook her head "nothing" she replied and again, she realized she had been so wrapped up in her own troubles, that she forgot about others. It was strange as she was usually perceptive, very much trying to save people from themselves but this time, it didn't occur to her "Could Scotty be right?" She thought thinking about their conversation, when he had pointed out that she was drowning into a victim syndrome.

Kat noticed Lilly had turned silent again, she didn't' take it personally; she was also more secretive than other. Somehow, however, both women without a word felt closer than before, it had been a simple step to slowly open the door.

"You look tired" Vera pointed out.

"You sound like my mother, and you ain't looking too fresh yourself" Scotty retorted, not wanting to get into long explanation about the dark circles under his eyes.

Another thing Lilly and he didn't discuss was their situation at work,

"You know who else looked tired?"

"No kiddin' Nick, who are you Mama Cold Case? Looking out for the squad?" Scotty joked, his heart racing a bit at the memory of the past night, worried about what was going to happen next.

"Well somebody got to have a female side…I mean come on, Rush and Miller, not the typical womanly kind…except for their PMS…and they seem to be doing that a lot, I'm starting to think it's a natural state for them.."

Scotty couldn't help but laughing.

Nick and he had developed a sort of bond, especially since Elisa had passed away. He was the one he somehow turned out to because he knew Vera wouldn't press him with questions.

He would like to scream to the world that Lilly and he were embarking on an unknown journey and how happy he felt about it. Expressing his feelings that way though was too much for him. He could stay discreet; he would pretend…he just didn't know long he could fool the people he worked with.

"Alright Mama Vera, we're here"

When Ms Patters opened the door, she winked at Scotty.

"Hello there sugar pie. I see you left Blondie behind this time and brought me another sweety with you. Come on in handsomes"

Vera looked at Scotty "She needs to stop calling you sugar pie, I'm getting hungry."

Scotty chuckled.

"Don't you worry I have cookies for the police force." Vera smile grew larger.

They sat down around the table which looked like they were invited for afternoon tea and socialization instead of an investigation.

After a little small talk with the old lady who was receiving them as guests, she finally let them know the reason why she had asked them back,

"I lied"

Scotty and Nick exchanged a surprised look.

"I really was taken with… and I couldn't help but thinking that maybe she had let it happen. I pretended I believed her but I didn't at first."

"What do you mean at first?"

"It happened again and I was there"

"Why would you keep this for yourself?"

She sighted.

"Because I'm a fool, even after seeing it with my own eyes, I still had a soft spot for the monster."

She paused.

You saw the man raping your friend and you still have a soft spot for him? The man forced himself on her, she didn't scream the first time because of the love she had for her daughter. She confided in you. She was pregnant…I don't believe you!" Vera was shaking his head in disbelief, his tone harsh and his eyes without any pity…

She closed her eyes.

"Why do you think I never said anything to anybody? I didn't help her, that's why. Fine I didn't have an ounce of feeling for him anymore but I didn't move. What kind of friend, of woman, of human being do you think that makes me?" Her voice was now young again, with the strong intonations, the passion, the destroyed feelings she had, the eyes which always kept their light were getting full of tears held back throughout the years.

"I saw and heard everything"

She paused, lost in her memories and then with a broken voice, she depicted the scene to the two detectives.

1943

_A young woman was sleeping with a little girl when she heard the door opening widely after having being hit several times. She woke up slowly to voices fighting downstairs. She went down the stairs as quietly as possible and froze to the scene unfolding in front of her eyes._

"_You thought a simple door would keep me away?"_

"_Please, go away or I'll scream"_

"_And wake up that little girl of yours, that would be a good idea, she is growing up oh so nicely…and come on you need a back up plan. Do you think John will want you after he finds out what we did? You're damaged good my beauty and you're all mine"_

_When she heard him talking about her daughter, she stopped herself from getting the knife that was laying on the counter._

_He noticed it and laughed._

"_That's my good girl, now go put our song on"._

_As she turned towards the records, she noticed the woman hiding behind the crooked door, she waited a second but since no movement came, she sighted. _

_The music started to feel the room._

This can't be love, because I feel so well,  
No sobs, no sorrows, no sighs.  
This can't be love; I get no dizzy spells,  
My head is not in the skies.

_He pushed her down, tears were falling down on her cheeks and the music kept on playing._

My heart does not stand still, just hear it beat.  
This is too sweet to be love.  
This can't be love, because I feel so well,  
But still I love to look in your eyes.

_When he was finally done, he tried to help her up but she moved away, a new light of hate had entered her eyes, which had lost their innocence and their joy._

"_I will kill you" she whispered._

"_not if I do I first, and little Julie….let's just say, I could also take good care of her"_

_Ms Patters looked straight at them: "and he left, I went back upstairs. I think it took me months before I could look at myself again in the mirror, without wanting to scratch away the image I was seeing…a coward, a pitiful woman, an awful human being…"_

"When was this?" Nick asked…

"March 1943" She replied and then went on:

"She opened her eyes on the world – and she saw through my imperfections, the kind you can maybe learn to forgive and I wouldn't know how…But at that minute, she became determined of not being a victim, he had talked about harming her girl, he turned her into a lion."

After this surprising visit to the old lady, who did not have enough of a lifetime to forgive herself, Scotty and Vera headed back in silence to the office.

Seeing that Lilly and Kat didn't return from the hospital yet, they went to see Jeffries, explaining to him what Ms…had revealed. They were trying to see what direction to take. At first, they were ready to drive to the retirement home and make Mr. admit his crime.

"Ancient or not the man is a monster. He's been playing us. He's spending his last days lying to his friend, lying to us. He probably came back for Sue, smashed her skull when he realized she was fighting back.

Jeffries seeing the determination and the anger on both Scotty and Nick's face realized that if those two were going, the man would admit to anything. He never met him but could feel the coward's behavior.

"How about we wait to see what Lilly and Kat found out at the hospital?"

The two upset detectives protested but with a calm logic, Jeffries calmed them down enough to at least wait and do some researches on possible doctors from the tim performing illegal abortions.

They were deep in archives when Lilly and Kat came back late afternoon. Their visit also seemed to have taken a toll on them. Jeffries came towards them." Did the visit provide more information?"

"We had to wait a bit, he was highly medicated and we couldn't really understand much of what he was telling s at the beginning…" Kat started to explain.

"Then, we couldn't stop him. The man has a lot in his heart and in his mind. He tried to stop the despair by taking his own life." She paused as if the words were not enough to describe the man's pain.

"He remembers much more than what he led on and he feels very guilty. Apparently Sue had not be been raped once but twice…."

Scotty and Nick exchanged a look, Kat, who had caught it, went on.

"Well I guess you found out that too…"

"Apparently she went back to her mom's house after the second rape. She wanted to get a gun which her dad kept in a safe. She was so calm about it that our mom got scared"

"So far it doesn't seem like suicide material." Vera noticed but stopped when he realized all eyes were now on him, and none of these looks were agreeing with his statement.

"Anyhow" Kat went on.

"Their mom refused to give her the gun. She was desperate repeating you can't kill, you're already going to kill the baby, you can't I can't…there needs to be another way. She was begging her to just go to the police."

Sue looked her mother in the eyes and without hesitating; she reached for the money that was supposed to pay for her abortion.

"Here, I don't need you. She got up and she left their mom. She was crying, repeating "my little girl", she stopped when she realized her son was there then she asked him to go get the gun, the money and to give it all back to his sister. "Tell her I love her" However it seems that his dad who had gotten home early that day caught him with it and he couldn't explain why he was taking it. He got scared and didn't bring it to her. He feels guilty about the fact he couldn't protect her and he said her mother felt the responsibility of her daughter's death for the rest of her life." That's all we could hear from him today. When we were leaving, his niece was entering the room. She'll learn soon enough everything her mother went through to protect her. Lilly finished explaining.

Before leaving, Scotty passed by her desk, reminding her to come over. He leaned towards her, sensing she didn't know and said out loud what he thought so many times: "you've got to meet me halfway linda"

* * *

Lilly knocked on the door; she couldn't believe she actually came to his apartment. She felt nervous like on a first date, she felt worried because she knew that this evening would be important. She also felt in a combative mood, she couldn't explain it but all the suffering that had been when she had discovered Scotty had lied to her about Christina were coming back to the surface. All these many mixed feelings could not predict how the evening would go. Everything seemed to be on a thin equilibrium and one word could probably let tilt the balance one way or another.

Scotty opened the door, he was wearing jeans and a red polo shirt, he had a smile on his face and Lilly could not help but notice how good looked. There was an aura about him, a charisma that she found even more pronounced in his environment. He invited her in and before se could take off her coat, he turned to her, she was stuck between him and the door.

He grinned, put his two hands on the door "Hello Linda" and he kissed her with passion. Her knees trembled in weakness and she felt her body respond to his.

When he let her go, she was almost out of breath.

"I have been wanting to do that all day…"

Lilly didn't respond, trying to gather her thoughts, fighting the burning desire she had to see him without his clothes, to run her fingers on his body.

Scotty noticed the inside battle she was going through.

"I know we gotta talk…" he said.

They didn't know where to start. They usually didn't encounter any problems to talk to one another, even if it was for a fight and hurtful words.

Lilly took a deep breath…

"I don't know if it's such a good idea" she started.

Scotty couldn't believe his ears. He had expected hesitation but a full surrender before any discussion came as a surprise.

"Maybe it ain't but then how are we going to do?"

"Just go back to normal"

He had a small disillusioned laugh.

"What's normal? Our flirting? Our closeness? I don't know if I can do "normal"…and if you would think clearly for just one second, you'd probably see you ain't too good at "normal" either"

"It's just too complicated. What are we going to do if it doesn't work? It might not get any better"

And with these little words, he saw himself back with Elisa a few years back

Flashback

_Elisa: They came back Scotty, the giants; I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I didn't take my meds, but I did, they still came back. _

_Scotty: We'll take stronger meds. We'll talk to the doctor, we'll see what he has to say. _

_Elisa: That's what we did last time, that's what we do all the time but it doesn't get better. Maybe it just doesn't._

He also remembered the few days before her suicide, he had looked for Christina, he had been to the point of thinking the sickness was winning. In his heart, he had already betrayed his one and only. The things he had discovered afterwards made him believe that he was responsible for Elisa's disappearance. The letter she had written had seemed like a promise and the memories of their youth, of the wish for a new beginning…he had convinced himself that he had refused the new beginning. He kept playing over and over in his head the times he thought had betrayed her by not being strong enough to wait by her side. He could repeat words by words the sword that he himself used to rip the love into pieces.

Flashback

Scotty_:_ _She's back in the hospital._  
Stillman_:_ _Oh, I didn't know, Scotty._  
Scotty: _It's a circle game. She's sick and better, and for a while you're hoping and then it starts again._  
Stillman : _Yeah._  
Scotty : _I just can't go round and round with her any more._

_However, the strongest betrayal had came when he thought about moving on and he had looked at Lilly's sister in the one that would easily make him forget the past, not to create a future but to just not think about the present. He remembers the silly pickup line she used about his clothes: "You know, you dress way better than the average cop" she had said with a flirty smile and his stomach gringes everytime he remembers what he had told her. _

Flashback_  
_Christina :_. Your girlfriend pick out your clothes?_  
Scotty :_No, I don't have a girlfriend. I mean, I used to. She's in the hospital right now._  
Christina : _Sorry._  
Scotty :_She's okay. She's getting out._  
Christina : _That's good._  
Scotty :_Well, even though, we're not really together anymore._

_He didn't think that words could have so powerful meaning and it had not been too long ago that he stopped reminiscing about how things could have been different. He still believes that maybe Elisa had found out, that maybe that was why she just took her life. One way or another, he had not been enough…he still probably was not good enough._

"You know what? Maybe it's better that way…"

She stood there, immobile as a statue. She gotten what she thought she wanted and it was going towards the way it always did. She was used of being alone. She was used of being left for one reason or another…

She never really fought for somebody.

The closest she had ever been to feeling fully with her heart, soul and body for somebody was with Ray. They were young, passionate, innocent in their dark world…She didn't want to lose the feeling she knew was growing despite the circumstances, she maybe wanted to be forced towards trying but she realized that she had to show she wanted it.

What had Scotty say to her before "You got to meet me halfway…" and she had thought that going to his apartment was already a big step…Secretly, she had hoped he wouldn't let her go, their outbursts were not supposed to damage the hope…She didn't understand why he was the one backing away. It almost seemed he was trying to protect her.

"You still there?" he asked, his voice full of anger, but somehow she could sense a large part of that anger was directed towards himself.

She made a step towards him.

He didn't move.

She tried to make eye contact with him but he didn't let her. She softly touched his arms, getting even closer.

"I'm not going anywhere" she whispered.

His tension finally released and his own vulnerability could be seen in his dark eyes. He looked at her and could not help a small smile to form when he heard her say  
"I'm meeting you halfway."

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A/N: Thank you for reading :-) Please, pretty please review :-)


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **do not own Cold Case…yep I really don't…

**A/N:** It's been awhile – I'm sorry! I hope you'll still enjoy this story…let me know…

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**Chapter 15**

She put her arms around him, resting her head on his chest until she noticed that his muscles were relaxed and that his breathing was more even.

When she looked up, she was startled to see how seriously he was gazing into her eyes. She felt more naked than if she didn't have any clothes on. She pulled away a bit. She was about to say something when he bent down and kissed her tenderly.

"We're in trouble, aren't we Bella?" he whispered in her ear…

Not knowing exactly what he meant and not wanting to find out right at the minute, she didn't reply. She simply took a deep breath, pulled herself away, took off her coat that she still had on, took off her shoes, smiled and said:

"Alright Valens, how about you make us something to eat and we try to have one evening without drama."

"And why would I be the one in the kitchen?" He asked, startled by the fact that she was now so calm but still so close.

"Well…do you like your furniture?"

"It's ok" he answered, not really understanding where she was going with this conversation.

"When I'm in the kitchen, I burn the things I cook and I think that I'm a hazard in a place with ovens, and fire and things that are flammable"

"Come on you can't be that bad"

"Scotty…I can't even make pancakes right" She laughed at that moment seeing the look on his face. He couldn't know that even something relating to cooking could be a touchy subject with her.

"I have a hard time believing you. I think it's just a trick to see me in the kitchen. I know women think it's sexy…" He winked at her.

"You're pathetic" She nudged him. "But if you want me to stay a bit, I need to be fed. So, get started." She gave him a quick kiss and made herself comfortable on the couch.

He shrugged, smiled slightly and called for her:

"Hey Rush, come see a pro in action. Maybe you can learn one or two tricks"

She slowly got up and hand in hand they went to the kitchen. Soon, laughter could be heard and if someone would have looked at them right at this minute, all they would have been able to see would have been a couple enjoying an evening together. If everything was always so simple as appearances…

* * *

Stillman was looking at the pictures he had on his desk at home, the pictures of happier times, the pictures of a life long gone. He had a beer in his hand. His cell phone was next to him, beeping regularly to let him know he had messages he didn't listen to.

He didn't want to. He simply didn't have the strength to. Thoughts were running in his mind, disorganized but all going back to the one scary word he had read: CANCER.

He was going in for surgery the next day…alone… He didn't tell anybody, not his daughter, not his ex-wife, not even Jeffries.

As he closed his eyes for a second, images from Vietnam came back to him. It had been awhile since he had his past in front of his eyes. The death, the horrors, the meaningless of it all though still able to find a meaning in the men trying their best to conserve some dignity, a human side…

Those who didn't go could not really grasp what it had been.

He felt alone at that time too but he felt alone with others. There was a connection between the people who lived this terrible experience.

Right now, he just felt alone and empty.

He shook his head and went back to staring into space. His phone rang again. He sighted and turned it off.

* * *

The next morning, Lilly and Scotty woke up bright and early, each in their respective apartment. After a wonderful evening, where Scotty desperately tried to show Lilly how to cook the simplest dish he knew: pasta. Regular Pasta…nothing special about them but they just had a great time. They laughed, they kissed and they talked. It seemed as though they couldn't run out of topics to talk about. Once again, they avoided the difficult subject. They joked about it, saying they would have to but not right at the second.

He kissed her "Goodnight", tried to make her stay. It took all of her will to resist but she knew that she still had to deal with her own issues before even tackling the issues they had in common.

"Well if you change your mind – maybe we can come up with a code for a Booty Call" Scotty joked.

"Yes I know you're worth the call" She teased back thinking about the night they had spent together, about the emotions which had unlashed that night both physically and emotionally.

They arrived at work at the same time. They were the first ones there. They looked at each other silently for a few seconds, not able to hide the twinkle in their eyes. Then, they turned away awkwardly.

"hmm so this work thing, strange a bit?" Scotty asked.

"Well…just one more thing we got to figure out. Let's put it on our list…" Lilly smiled, their hands touched quickly.

Lilly went to her desk.

"Have you heard of the boss?"

"I tried to call yesterday but he didn't pick up. No idea what's going on. I get it you didn't get any news either."

"Not a word. I think we should try to figure out in which hospital he's going to be and what's up with him."

Scotty nodded in agreement.

Nick and Kat arrived together. Scotty smiled slightly.

"You guys cannot leave each other's side"

"Valens, shut your big mouth" Kat replied.

"Yeah listen to the girl" Nick went on.

"Girl?" Kat asked with a sharp tone.

"You're the one in trouble now man" Scotty laughed while Lilly shook her head.

Julie Davis passed the door at this moment. Her face was pale; her eyes were full of sadness.

"I'm…I'm sorry to bother" she started before.

"You're not bothering us at all". Lilly replied, taking the arm of the older lady and showing her the way to a chair.

Julie sat down, took a deep breath and looking up to the detectives, she said in a small broken voice:

"My uncle…I mean you know what happened…He…he is doing worse. They thought that he was out of danger but he's old and his vitals are not as strong anymore. He slipped into a coma. They don't know why…he might…he might die without knowing what happened to my mother. He might die…not knowing how important he had been in my life. Did you know that he helped me find my father when I was about 16 years old? My grandma, she was old school. She didn't want me to have any contact with him…she said the war changed him, she said he was never good enough…she said that my mom died for him." She took a deep breath, her voice was broken, she was fighting the tears and all Lilly could see was a beautiful adolescent sitting in front of them. Gone were the wrinkles, gone was the streaks of white in her hair….

Lilly bent down and took Julie's hand, asking her in a calm and soothing voice:

"Do you remember what your grandma said exactly?"

* * *

**Flashback: 1954**

A young girl is sitting at the kitchen table of a big house. She seems lost in her thoughts. Her black hair is in a smooth ponytail. Her blue eyes are underlined with black eyeliner. She is wearing a poodle skirt and a pink top, a white cardigan over her shoulders.

She has a pen in her hands and a diary in front of her. Music is playing in the background, filling up the atmosphere with melancholy.

_Blow me a kiss from across the room  
Say I look nice when I'm not  
Touch my __hair__ as you pass my chair  
Little things mean a lot_

_Give me your arm as we cross the street  
Call me at six on the dot  
A line a day when you're far away  
Little things mean a lot_

A twenty something young man enters the kitchen.

"Hey Julie, what are you doing here all alone?"

Julie doesn't reply at first. She shakes her head, trying to calm the running thoughts that are taking over her mind.

"Julie?" the young man asks again, sitting down on the table next to her.

"Psshhh Anthony…Let me listen to the rest of the song…"

_Give me a hand when I've lost the way  
Give me your shoulder to cry on  
Whether the day is bright or gray  
Give me your heart to rely on_

_Send me the warmth of a secret smile  
To show me you haven't forgot  
For now and forever, that's always and ever  
Honey, little things mean a lot_

"Julie, do you have a crush on somebody?"

Julie finally looked up.

"No…it's just. I don't know being in a kitchen with music flowing in the air. I can almost picture my mother. I remember her, singing and dancing and whistling and laughing….I remember my father, you know, taking her in his arms and then they would lift me up and I would dance with them. I'm 16 and sometimes I feel like life doesn't have anything to offer me anymore. I go to school. I go to dances. I listen to grandmother telling me how a proper lady should behave. But, I want to know why my father is not around. I want to know what happened to my mother…"

Anthony waited a minute before replying.

"Julie. I'll make you a promise. We'll go and find your dad. Not now but I promise you we will. I have something for you. Don't tell my mother but I know he wrote to you. I know where she keeps the letters, his address is on all of them"

Hope filled Julie's face and she finally let a smile.

"Thanks Anthony"

An older elegant woman came into the room, wearing pearls, walking straight. The dignified air she had didn't conceal the sadness in her eyes.

"What are you two discussing?"

"Nothing grandmother. We are just talking about my school".

"Anthony, can you leave us a second?" Anthony stood up and left the room.

"Listen, Julie. I know you are asking yourselves questions recently. I want you to promise me one thing. You will not try to find that father of yours. He killed your poor mother and he killed us all when she died."

"We don't even know if she died. She is listed as "missing" grandmother." Julie's tone was indignant.

"You sound more and more like her". Ms Barringtons said with a sad smile.

"If she had listened to us, if she had married in our milieu, she wouldn't have disappeared. We could have protected her." She continued. "That's the end of the conversation, Julie."

Julie stood up and ran upstairs in her room. She took out a picture she had found and gazed into what her life could have been.

End of flashback

* * *

"After that episode, my uncle Anthony showed me the letters and I started writing to my dad. He would reply at Anthony's house and we met a little bit later. He told me while he was holding me in his arms that I looked just like her. I asked him about what my grandma had said. He replied that he didn't understand. He didn't know from whom she needed protection. My uncle until yesterday never told me anything either. I want to meet who did that to her, I want to know who it is. I know she was raped. And I want to look into the eyes of the man who could do such a thing."

Lilly turned to the rest of the team, they all nodded.

"Ok Julie but you know it will not be easy. You probably know him."

"What do you mean I know him? How is that possible?" She seemed confused and lost.

"Patrick Bores"

At the name, Julie broke down in tears…

"It can't be…it just can't be…"

* * *

I promise not to take so long to update this story - hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Thank you for the reviews, I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter and that you're still following this story.

Disclaimer: Do …. not….own….cold….case…

**Chapter 16**

They all looked at Julie. She seemed to be very disturbed by the news, by the name of the man who in a way destroyed her childhood and her happy family.

"Listen, I know this is not easy for you".

She looked up and in her eyes, there was much more than just despair. Anger had seemed to take over.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" She shouted.

"Calm down, Julie" Lilly said in a soothing voice. "What don't we understand, why don't you tell us?"

"Patrick Bores was the neighbor of my parents but he also was my dad's best friend. I started spending more and more time with my father when I was about 18. Sometimes, Patrick would be there. He would reminisce on how beautiful my mother was, how great, what a beautiful voice she had. When I was leaving one day, he asked me to come in his house the next morning. He said he wanted to show me some pictures he had kept. I didn't think anything of it, you know. The man was about 40 and I was so young. Even after everything, I…I…I was still so naïve and so innocent."

She paused remembering the day, her world became darker.

1956

Julie was hurrying up. It was almost 10 am and she had promised to be there before 10. The skirt was she wearing that day didn't make it easy to run. Her grandmother had just gotten her that outfit and absolutely wanted her to wear it. She resembled the poster for the new Pepsi-Cola advertisement. The one which said: "Fashioned so slenderly. Pepsi Cola refreshes without filling". She smiled at the thought, asking herself why so many women were obsessed with their waistline.

She shook off the running thoughts as she finally approached Patrick Bores' house. She rang the bell and he opened the door within seconds.

He let her in and his hands brushed her. She convinced herself it was just an incident, ignored the little voice in her subconscious telling her to run away from this place.

They sat down in his living room and he started to ask her a few questions, nothing special and she felt more at ease.

"Could I see the pictures you kept of my mother?" She asked.

"Of course." He smiled, got up and went towards the bookshelf. He took an album photo from there and sat back down. He put his hand on her knee as he put the album on her laps. She shivered and he removed it with a slight smile.

She opened the album and flipped through the pages. He did have beautiful pictures of her, she had seemed to be his only model. She became wary as she noticed that some of them had been cut, and that her dad could not be seen on any of them…

As she grew uncomfortable, she thanked him quickly and said she had to go. He stopped her and said:

"Wait, I also want you to hear to your mother's favorite song. We used to dance to that tune."

Not wanting to be impolite, she nodded without a word, tried a small smile.

"Sure. That would be lovely."

He stood slowly. His smile grew larger as the music entered the room.

_You made me love you  
I didn't wanna do it  
I didn't wanna do it  
You made me want you  
And all the time you knew it  
I guess you always knew it_

He looked at Julie.

"May I ask for this dance?" She shook her head, trying to laugh it off.

"I'm really not a good dancer you know and I really should…I should go."

He took her hand in his.

_You made me happy sometimes  
You made me glad  
But there were times  
You made me feel so bad_

"You really look like her, do you know that?" She stood still.

"You have the same passion in your eyes". He started caressing her hand slowly, trying to get her closer to him. She tried to push him away.

"Leave me alone. I have to go." She kept her voice steady but she didn't know what to do, how to react. The man was scaring her more than she would like to admit. His look had changed as if he had become a different person.

_You made me cry for  
I didn't wanna tell you  
I didn't wanna tell you  
I want some love that's true  
Yes, I do, 'deed I do  
You know I do_

"Come on Julie, I know how you were looking at me". She started to walk towards the door, when he grabbed her back, taking her into his arms as if he wanted to make her dance.

_Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie what I cry for  
You know you've got the brand of kisses  
That I'd die for  
You know you made me love you_

She was fighting him as he was trying to press his lips on hers. She finally kicked him hard and was able to run to the door. Before she was out of the door, she saw him sitting back down, crying: "I just miss her so much. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

End of Flashback

Julie seemed out of breath as she finished to explain what had happened. The detectives were looking at her, silent when Lilly finally asked:

"You did not talk about this to anybody? Your father, your uncle, your grandmother?"

Julie shook her head.

"I just did not know. He was right, you know, I had looked at him in a certain way. He was still charming and I was just a kid. I thought I had brought it on myself and nothing really happened. He also just seemed to miss her so much. I figured he must have been in love with her. I never would have thought that…" She broke down and Lilly put her hand on her arm: "Listen Julie, nothing that ever happened was your fault. Nothing…"

"You must have seen him again afterwards, he was a good friend of your father's. Did he mention anything else? Did he try anything else?" Scotty asked,

"No. We never talked about it again and he always kept his distance afterwards. He did send me a poem that he said my mom had written and given to him. She was writing about me. He wrote a note with it stating "I'm sorry"". Julie replied.

"Do you still have this poem? Could we see it?"

"Yes, of course. I keep at home. I framed it next to a picture that I have of the three of us. I'll get to you right away if you'd like"

"If you didn't mind Julie, this would be great. If you'd like somebody could go with you."

"No, no I will be fine. I will be back shortly. I need some time alone anyhow."

They waited until she left before discussing what had just been revealed to them.

"Can you believe this?" Kat asked, incredulous…"The mother AND the daughter. This guy is a psycho" Kat shivered of the thought of the world awaiting her little girl. It was not easy to be a mother but sometimes, knowing the evil out there made it so much harder.

"I know it sounds crazy, but we do have access to the files from that year. Is there any way that there were any other cold cases or disappearances from women in a radius of let's say 50 miles?" Lilly asked.

"I think it's worth a look. Right now, we don't have much and the poem she will bring back might show us something too. We know she didn't give that poem to him unless it was before he raped but I highly doubt it" Scotty continued.

Nick and Kat nodded.

"Nick, your turn to go get some food for the team, we're going to be here awhile and please this time, try not to eat everything on the way…"

Nick sighted but took the orders of his teammates and left slowly, while the rest of team was figuring out how to best access and check the resources at hand.

A/N: So what do you think?

Review………pleaaaase 


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** Thank you very much for the time you're taking to read this story. This is highly appreciated. My thanks for this chapter especially go to LII2 from the Cold Case forum for answering my question posted there and to Oucellogal for her incredible insight and directing me to the Factory Girls episode  Thanks!

**Disclaimer**: Do not own cold case, do not own the characters….bla bla bla

* * *

**Chapter 17**

"So I guess it has to be another trip to records and storage" Scotty sighted.

"Come on Scotty, I know how you love digging through old papers. Remember, that other case? You did find three pages that day" Lilly teased him

_**Flashback**_

_The detectives were walking in the streets of Philly, a coffee in their hands, talking about a case dating from 61 years ago:_

"_You wanna kay over this one, Boss? Too old to matter?" Scotty asked, hoping that, for once, Stillman would not let Lilly drag him into dusty papers and hours of looking for that one piece of paper._

"_No, take a drive, see what's there" Stillman replied._

"_Great Boss, thanks" Scotty said, knowing damn well that, once more, Lilly had won._

_In the storage room, Scotty was overwhelmed by the amount to look for and not really understanding why his partner was so keen on going through all that trouble for a case where the doer was probably already 6 feet under._

"_You really need this police telegraph" He asked, on top of the ladder._

"_We need everything we can get" Lilly replied._

"_It's probably like one page". Scotty stated, even though he knew that no matter he said, Lilly would not change her mind. He actually had to admit to himself that he was impressed with the way she persevered through it all. _

"_Oh we can blow it off, 60 years old case, we're not going to need much help" Lilly joked._

_While discussing the facts they had already found, he came across what they were looking for, and very proudly, he said:_

"_September 43, a telegraph from the 49 district"_

"_3 pages" Lilly teased him._

_**End of Flashback**_

"Yeah I remember…" Scotty reluctantly admitted

"Well since you guys seem to love records and storage that much. I think you should do another little trip there. You know, your experience might save us some time." Kat explained, very seriously.

"Hold it, hold it. I think we should vote on that" Scotty started to say.

"Vote on what?" Jeffries asked as he stepped out of Stillman's office.

"On who has to go to records and storage, I mean, I believe it's just fair"

"You sound like a kid, Scotty. I leave my daughter every morning thinking I'm going to work, but I'm actually spending time with grown up men acting like babies". Kat laughed.

Jeffries rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'll stay here but I do believe maybe this time it will be a group trip for you. You're looking for many records. You have to look for other disappearances, unsolved murders, if any rapes were reported and thus, in a 5 years window. Might take you awhile."

"Might? Come on Jeffries…and exactly why do you get to stay here?" Scotty whined.

"I have to work on some paperwork for Stillman and somebody should stay in case Julie comes back with the poem her mom wrote."

Scotty shook his head.

"I ain't going if Nick ain't going, and he ain't back yet. Plus, I need to eat."

"SCOTTY!!!!" Both Lilly and Kat turned to him.

"You're getting in trouble with the ladies" Nick laughed as he walked in the room, carrying bags with Gino's cheese steaks.

"There you are, man. Guess where we're going…"

Nick raised an eyebrow, expecting the worse.

"Records and storage"/

Nick sighted: "just the two of us? Some quality time?"

Kat laughed: "Sorry Romeo, it'd be a group trip this time"

"Alright, now that it's settled, I'm going to call them, letting them know we're on our way and what we need. And as soon as Scotty is fed and a bit happier, we'll be on our way". Lilly stated.

As she went to the bathroom to wash her hands, Lilly was surprised to see Scotty waiting in front of the Ladies' room.

"Something you got to tell me? I mean…last time I checked you didn't belong in that bathroom". She laughed.

"Lil…" He said while moving closer to her, his breathing a little faster than usual.

"Yes?" Her voice was not more than a whisper and again she came to the realization that, no matter how much space they put between them, the chemistry could not be fought against. It was simply there. Her body was longing for his touch and her soul was dreaming of this connection that only happened oh so rarely with another human being.

"If you want me to hold myself back…you can't mention that night. Because, when you do and let's be honest even if you ain't talking about it….everytime I see you, I just SEE you, if you know what I mean" He smiled playfully but the twinkle in his eyes and the closeness that was now between made her knees tremble a bit.

"hmmm…yes….I mean….I, I do…" She tried to say

"You seem a bit troubled" He teased her.

She tried to bring her composure back, took a deep breath and with a steady step made her way inside the bathroom, not before looking at Scotty straight in the eyes and telling him:

"For what it's worth, when I see you, I SEE you, so I know what you mean" and she smiled.

Scotty had a difficult time, making his way back to their office but he also realized they couldn't be trusted alone for so long, the sparks were just too obvious.

When they made it to the storage, the employees already had the time to single out the shelves they had to concentrate on and it was definitely more than the last time they went to this room.

Lilly and Kat made their way to the place where the reports about "missing people" were filed, while Nick and Scotty first went to the unsolved murders.

After spending hours on ladders, and going through hundreds of papers, the frustration started to grow.

"I told them it didn't make sense to go through all these papers but they ain't listening" Scotty started to say.

"I know what you mean…women they just don't….oh wait, I think I have something" Nick replied

"You're kiddin" Scotty mumbled

"No, it's a report on a dead baby…found in January 1944…"

"And how is that relevant to us?"

"The body was found closed to where we found the rests of Sue"

"Do you think it could be possible? She disappeared in 1943…."

"But nobody said she died in 1943" Nick replied, "Miller, Rush we got something" He yelled out.

"Well we have something too, three missing women, exact same description as Sue, all alone, with their men abroad and they all lived in a 5 miles radius from Sue. They disappeared each in January, the first one in 1945, the second one in 1947 and the third in 1949. They apparently all loved to sing… We looked through the years afterwards and there seems there were no more disappearances after 1949, at least not any matching our criteria."

After Nick and Scotty revealed what they had discovered, they rallied back to the office.

They updated Jeffries on the situation.

"Can we get enough for a DNA testing to see if Julie and that baby are related?"

"Unfortunately, no. They were not able to tell us if and where the remains would have been kept"

"Was there anything with the body, any piece of identification?"

"Nothing"

"How about those disappearances, are there any relatives still alive, friends?" Jeffries asked.

"Yes, we located at least one relative for two of the victims. For the third one, we haven't had any luck yet."

"How about you contact them, Kat and ask them if they can maybe come in and talk to us"

"Sure" Kat replied but before she made it to the phone, they saw Julie coming back with a picture frame in her hand.

"Here it is, this is apparently something she wrote in 1943, I never could make out the month, it's kind of scratched. I can have it back, when you're done, right?"

"Of course" Lilly replied.

"I know it by heart, it became my lullaby" Julie explained as she closed her eyes and recited the words her mother was never able to tell her but which accompanied her throughout her life.

**_To my daughter_**

_You came in the world smiling_

_My pretty, my lovely_

_You changed us, you changed me_

_My love, my darling_

_I close my eyes to see you_

_I open them to feel you_

_Ever growing love_

_Ever growing pride_

_Ever growing fear inside_

_Always there will be love_

_Holding on to you is_

_Holding on to me is_

_Holding on to him is_

_Holding on to us_

_I see me, I see him, but mainly_

_I see you, the woman you will be_

_I will protect you_

_I will cherish you_

_Always_

_Never be afraid to be yourself, be sincere_

_Always remember that you made me stronger_

_Never be afraid if I'm no longer_

_Always remember that I love you, my dear_

_You came in the world smiling_

_My pretty, my lovely_

_You changed us, you changed me_

_My love, my darling_

_I close my eyes to see you_

_I open them to feel you_

**_Your loving mother – A….1943_**

Kat was lost in her thoughts, thinking about her own little girl who meant the world to her, for whom she knew she would do anything for. And she felt the pain Sue must have gone through. Yes, times had changed, it was easier to fight maybe, but it was never easy to go through all the drama and the pain. She understood that everything Sue must have wanted was for Julie to become the woman she now was. She turned to her and very quietly told her:

"Julie, I can tell you that your mother would have been proud of you. All she did, she did it for you, because you meant more to her than even herself, you should not feel guilty, you should feel lucky to have had such a woman in your life. You made her stronger and she is part of who you are."

Julie nodded silently and Lilly closed her eyes for a second, remembering her own mother, all the things that were left unsaid, all the pain, all those moments that could have been but simply disappeared with her. She forced herself to move away from that place where the hurt was taking her in waves and she opened her eyes. Only to meet Scotty's. He was not looking at her; he was seeing right in her, he was unrevealing her and the thoughts that were running through her mind with only his eyes. It unsettled her to see how much he could communicate with her, without a word. But at the same time, she knew he was there with her and she smiled slightly at him, before concentrating herself back on Julie.

"Kat is right. You are lucky and your mom fought for you and for herself. Thank you very much for bringing this poem to us. We'll make sure it gets back to you".

"Thank you."

After taking care of making appointments with the relatives of the women who disappeared later than Sue, all detectives went on their way back home. Lilly stayed a bit longer to drop off the letter at one of the labs to see if they could make out the date which was scratched out. They had tried the usual way but the person who had scratched it really did a good job at it.

As she approached her front step, she was surprised to see Scotty waiting for her. He didn't say a word, just stood up and embraced her, kissing her hair softly. At first, she was reluctant to let go, reluctant to admit that she actually needed to feel safe in his arms, reluctant to admit she was slowly letting him in with everything along with her. Slowly, she felt her body warm up to his, responding to the muscles against her chest, to the strong hands slowly moving against her back…

And so, she pushed him away slightly to be able to look up to him, to see if she could find some answers in those dark eyes contemplating her, in the well known face of a friend turned lover. She laughed and he looked surprised.

"You really don't have the answers, do you now Scotty?"

"Who said we had to answer all the questions right now, Lil" He smiled back, she took his hand and they went inside, closing the door to open new ones.

* * *

**A/N:** remember that review button I was talking about – it's right there, waiting for you….Can't you hear it say "Please click on me"? :-)


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N**: Sorry for taking so long to update and I really hope that you will like this chapter. I was very busy at work and also had quite the writer's block for this part of the story. But L/S kept on appearing in my imagination and I had to give them a few moments...

In between, I also wrote some one shots... Check them out if you have time :-)

Looking forward to your reviews and I will try my best to not take so long to update....Thanks again for reading!

**Disclaimer**: do not own cold case....

* * *

**Chapter 18**

The night didn't give them the peaceful rest of sleep they could have had but they both seemed relaxed as they drank their coffee at the stand by work.

"Your eyes twinkle" Scotty said to Lilly, his voice just a whisper as they both knew that this stand was a very dangerous place to act like they really wanted to.

"Well. You have the face of somebody who just scored a very important game." They both paused and laughed as they realize the double meaning of her sentence.

"You are indeed a very important game, Rush." She didn't know if it was the way he said it or just the fact that she couldn't look at his hands without remembering what they had done to her body the night before, to her soul, how his entire body had felt on hers, how tender and passionate his lips had been on her neck, her stomach... how there was no shame, no second thought as their bodies became one.. When she woke up the morning next to him, his arm across her body, his even breathing, the familiar smell of his skin, she waited 2 minutes to wake him up so she could just look at him, and for a moment, she had begun to start believing in the world again.

"And now you're blushing" he laughed again, a deep, happy laugh.

"Can't believe you can be so happy in the morning, Valens". They had not seen Nick arriving. He seemed particularly grumpy.

"Somebody ate your doughnut?" Scotty asked teasing but the fierce glare he received as an answer shut him right up.

"I'll see you guys upstairs. You are planning to go to work, right? Unless you just want to hang out together all day here or somewhere else. That wouldn't surprise me one bit." He muttered and left.

Lilly and Scotty looked at each other, surprised by Nic's attitude.

"Any idea what's got into him? Lilly asked

"Probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed" Scotty answered, denying the possibility that somebody worse could have disrupted Nick Vera's life.

But as the day went on and Nick's mood wasn't improving, he restarted to rethink his judgment. They were all very busy. Lilly and Kat had gone to pay a visit to the relatives of the victims they were able to locate.

As Nick and Scotty were on their way to see Mr. Bores, Nick's cell phone kept on ringing, his temper growing angrier by each ringtone.

"You want to tell me what's up? Your doughnuts dealer calling you?" Scotty attempted a joke...

"Shut up, Valens". Nick's tone was furious.

"You know what's annoying the crap out of me. You..." he paused for a moment. "You and Rush." Then he turned to Scotty to see his face. Scotty stayed still, he didn't want to say anything on that subject, as he didn't even know where to start, and he definitely didn't want the team to start mingling into whatever was developing between him and Lilly. Plus he knew that the beautiful blonde woman he was falling in love with would not even try to figure out if the relationship had a chance if they all knew about it.

Nick laughed bitterly: "See, I knew that I would find a way to shut you up. I don't get on your case. You don't get on mine and the day will just go fine."

They finished the drive to the retirement home in silence but right before coming in the room of Mr Bores, Scotty decided to take another shot at Nick's bad mood.

"Hey Man, your life is your life, I get it but if you just want to go have a drink tonight, just let me know."

Nick didn't reply for awhile, which was actually an improvement to the grunts or fire he had gotten before.

Nick didn't want to admit that the reason of this anger was actually pain. He had seen his ex-wife and she was pregnant. She was the one who had been trying to reach him for so long. He just couldn't talk to her at the moment. It is true that their life together had been far from perfect; it is true that he regretted not having stayed with his high-school sweetheart when he had seen her...but at the same time, he always thought they would make it work. They didn't. He liked to blame it on the job and let's face it, it was partly true. She never understood why he was so passionate about it. More correctly, she used to love his dedication to solving murders before realizing it was taking some of the time they should have spent together. And then, the spiral started. He didn't' want to be home to hear her complain, and the more he stayed at work, the more left out she felt. He started flirting shamelessly with other women and despised himself for it. They tried for so long to have a child together and this was another reason why their marriage broke. They were not able to survive together the fact that it might not be in the cards for them. And, the adoption way didn't work out fast enough. A child could probably not have saved the pieces of their love which were shattered for everyone to see but he couldn't know that for sure. He missed her, he missed their times together. What he missed most though, was being with somebody and his heart was still longing for a family. He didn't want to get into that with anybody. His "I don't care" attitude was what protected him, or so he thought.

"I'll think about it." He finally replied.

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**A/N**: Please pretty please hit the review button and let me know what you think! I'll really try to update sooner next time!


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:** a new chapter, so quick after the last one :-) Would love to read your thoughts on the story...so I'm looking forward to your reviews! Hope you enjoy it!

**Disclaimer:** do not own cold case, do not own the actors, do not own the characters...nothing new there...:-)

* * *

**Chapter 19**

Back at the office, they started to share the information they were able to gather.

"Any luck with the old man?" Kat asked.

"Nope, none. He sticks with his story, we questioned him about Joan and Frances. We tried to figure out if he could tell us anything. But he likes to play, he smiled and replied he didn't know them and then he turned to us and asked if they liked to sing. He's a real creep." Scotty replied with disdain. "We then went to see John and asked him a few more questions about that time, and about when he met his daughter, if he remembered anything about other women disappearing. He actually talked about Frances. Apparently, he knew her. She was a friend of his wife. There were rumors at the time about her having ran away. She was very unhappy in her life and they all thought that she had just taken off. She seemed to be quite strong willed."

"We met Frances' younger sister, well she is in her 70s now but her memory is very good. She could tell us exactly what Frances was doing the day she never came back home. She got a letter in the mail. She read it, put it in her purse, took her coat and left. All she said was: "I cannot believe it, this is not possible. My birdie..."". Lilly explained.

"Birdie?" Nick and Scotty exclaimed.

"Yes" Kat replied. "Margaret couldn't tell us what that meant. But...we know one Birdie, and maybe her husband wasn't the only one calling her that way..."

"But it was in 1945, Birdie was supposed to be already dead..." Nick interrupted.

"Or so we thought, if the baby was hers, she may have still lived. This would explain why the remains of the baby were found and not hers at that time." Kat explained.

"How about the husband of the other woman?" Scotty asked turning to Lilly/

"He doesn't understand. It's another destroyed life. They were happy and one day when he came home, she wasn't there." Lilly replied. Her cell phone rang. "Rush" She answered, listening very intensively to who was on the other line.

"She wrote that poem in 1945. So she didn't die when she disappeared and for some odd reason, our dear Bores had that poem. I wonder how he would be able to get out of that one. I'm going back to the retirement home. It may be past visitors' time but I'm sure we'll get an exception." Lilly said as she put her coat back on.

"I'm coming with you." Scotty told her.

Nick rolled his eyes but didn't mutter a word. Kat decided on calling Julie to update her on the latest developments. The atmosphere inside the office was quite calm until Nick's cell phone rang yet again. He took it out of his pocket and slammed it on the table. Kat turned towards him, wondering what was going on and was very surprised to just see Nick, his head down, looking mesmerized by the broken phone which was now in front of him.

"I hope it wasn't your work phone. Oh, wait, we don't get one of those around here." Kat joked but received no reply.

"Ooook...Care to tell me what's going on? Girlfriends' problems? Your favorite McDonald's around the corner had to close for remodeling? Come on, Nick, at least say something, the entire passive aggressive is more for women you know."

Nick looked at her, waited for a few minutes and then shook his head.

"Nothing is going on, Miller. Not a single thing, except the fact I need to buy a new phone." He tried a small smile.

Kat shrugged: "Ok, well I'm calling Julie back, I had to tell her something had come up, couldn't tell her one of my colleagues couldn't deal with his cell phone ringing..."

* * *

Scotty and Lilly had arrived to the retirement home. He had told her about Nick's strange behavior, they tried to figure out what could have brought in on but couldn't come up with any plausible reason. As much as Nick could have a big mouth, they knew he had a golden heart and could get hurt.

As they entered the room of Mr. Bores, it was past 9pm but he was not sleeping. He was whistling a tune, holding a picture of Sue.

"So, Mr. Bores, care to tell us how come you had a letter written by Sue dated in 1945, while she was already supposed to have disappeared."

He didn't turn to Scotty but had focused on Lilly, who suddenly felt very uncomfortable. People sometimes say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul and in that particular case, she had the impression that his dark thoughts were reflected in the way he was looking at her. Scotty noticed it and put himself in front of Mr. Bores.

"I'm talking to you."

"I know you are, Son, but let's face it, she's beautiful. I'd rather look at her than you. If I were still young, I could take care of her for you, if you had to go away...to war...for example...I could make her dance. I'm a good dancer, even though they didn't want to enlist me..."

Scotty was about to raise his voice, he couldn't deal with the way the man was behaving towards Lilly. Since they started working together, he always felt uneasy when suspects or non suspects were disrespectful or threatening towards her but that feeling he always suddenly became multiplied at the thought of what John must have gone through and the fear he had of losing her.

However, he didn't have the time to express his thoughts. Lilly gently moved him out of the way and sat on the corner of the bed.

"But you know, it's not because somebody is not there so it means your turn came. We already have been through that Patrick. Sue didn't want you. Maybe I would have had, what would you have done if you had seen me whistling like her or singing like she loved to?" Lilly asked in a sweet voice.

"I would have approached you and tell you you're beautiful, and that your husband must have been happy. I would have invited you for coffee maybe one day, with him, of course, if he was still around, or with a friend."

"Did you know Frances? She loved to sing apparently." Lilly then asked.

"Oh yes, I did. She was an unhappy one but she was beautiful. She had lovely brown eyes and dark honey hair."

"When did you see her last?"

"How am I supposed to remember? I'm quite old..." And then he laughed. "You think I'm going to tell you anything else. You have nothing, detectives, nothing. That letter, I think she wrote it when Julie was born, she must have been getting over the birth and forgot the right year...I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help. And detective Rush, if we had met in the 40s, and you would have beautiful as today, I would have earned your love." He laughed.

Scotty and Lilly left the room.

"I can't stand that man." Scotty declared.

"Just cos' he's hitting on me." Lilly joked.

"That's not funny, you know how I feel when all those pervs just try to get to you and how they sometimes do. I hate it. And you know what else I hate? The fact that it is rare for you to tell when it gets to you." Scotty answered.

They had arrived to the car and he put his hands on her shoulders, making her turn towards him.

"Rush" He whispered.

"Valens" She murmured back, lost in the way he was looking at her, and attempting a smile.

She waited for him to say something but sometimes words are not needed when strong arms suddenly embrace you and when warm lips touch your neck, your face and your lips. She didn't only respond to his touch by moving even closer to him, but she answered with her mind and her heart. That made her vulnerable but right at that moment, it also made her even stronger.

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**A/N**: Please, please pretty please with sugar on top, could you review? Thanks!


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews, they made my day...Keep them coming and you'll keep me smiling...Hope you enjoy this chapter as well.

**Disclaimer:** Trying to persuade myself that I do not own Cold Case.

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**Chapter 20**

They stayed in each other's arms for a few more minutes before Scotty pulled away. He looked down at Lilly and smiled in his cocky way.

"What, Valens?" She asked mi-serious, mi-jokingly.

"Nothing, Rush, nothing..." But his wide smile said otherwise...

"Come on, Valens, just say what's on your mind." She replied.

"Lilly, I think we're sort of seeing each other." He declared.

"Oh, you think so." She shoved him. "Well, no need to brag about it like that, even though I gotta say, I know one or two ladies in other departments who would probably like to be where I am right now." She joked.

"one or two? That's it?" He asked, with a feeling of hurt pride on his face.

She laughed, kissed him quickly and they made their way to the car.

"But, come on...one or two?" He continued as he started to drive.

"Get over it, Scotty." And she laughed again.

They made their way back to the office, talking about work, talking about life. They came to realize that they had more in common that what it seemed like on the surface. Sure, Scotty's family was loving but they didn't have it easy either. He had to face difficulties in his life too and going through what he went through with Elisa had made him a very sensitive person. He didn't like to show that side of himself but it was still for everybody to see, the way he cared about people was the way Lilly cared about them too. They enjoyed the same kind of evenings, they could talk for hours they soon had realized but they could feel content just being with each other. Even though they had been working together for so long and already knew each other so well, they sometimes were surprised to find out little details, little stories.

When they came in, Nick and Kat had already left. Jeffries had been gone pretty much all day and they still had not heard anything from Stillman.

They looked at each other and the chemistry could not be denied. Scotty's face had turned more serious and he would not stop looking at her.

"We can't, Scotty. Come on not here" Lilly said in a very small voice, as she knew she didn't really believe what she was saying. Her entire body was tuned with his. Just as he made his way towards where she was standing, not wanting anything else than to see her lovely body without the work clothes she had on, they heard a loud noise in the kitchen.

Sighting as he knew that the moment was gone, Scotty called out:

"Everything alright?"

As nobody answered, he opened the door...and to his surprise discovered Nick on the floor.

"What are you doing man?" Scotty asked, incredulous. "We thought you all left."

"Well I'm still here Valens, still here..." His voice was full of contained anger and Scotty noticed the breath of alcohol blowing from his mouth. "I came back, I wanted to...see...somebody...you know. But nobody was here....so I came back. So, tell me man? You with Rush?"

Scotty ignored what he implied with the question.

"Yes, we just got back to see Bores. We got nothing out of him." He replied, carefully, as he had seen Nick angry, he had seen him drunk, but he had never seen that amount of despair in him.

"Yeah, yeah...Ok well I'm gonna go home.." He muttered.

"You can't drive, Nick...I'll take you back to your apartment." Scotty helped Nick to get up and they both got out of the kitchen. They saw Lilly sitting at her desk, working. She looked up as they passed by her.

"Alright, see you tomorrow Lil'" Scotty said, sounding as casual as he could.

Nick laughed.

"Pfffff...like you two have me fooled..." Nick said.

Lilly raised an eyebrow but didn't reply. After they were gone, she tried to concentrate on the case, trying to find a crack or how they could get Bores to stand up to what he did. She knew they were so close but that didn't bring her any peace of mind. When she finally stood up to go back to her place, she noticed an unfamiliar feeling of emptiness and realized that she actually missed Scotty. She smiled at the thought of him but soon, lines of worriness appeared on her face, Nick's comment and that feeling of need she had towards him, was not something she felt comfortable with. She took a deep breath, trying to brush away the urge to just pull away. She didn't want to stop their "seeing each other" as he called it, and they had talked about the fact that it was complicated but she couldn't calm herself. Having somebody getting so close to her made her feel scared in that moment, she just hoped that she could pull through because for one of the first time, she wanted to pull through. And it wasn't because she was feeling alone but because she felt more alive around him.

* * *

Scotty was trying to ignore Nick's provocative attitude during their drive to his apartment. As they arrived and Nick tried to get out, he fell on the floor and cursed like a sailor. Scotty again tried to pull him up but Nick was not helping. Scotty gave up and sat down next to him on the sidewalk.

"What's going?" He asked, not expecting an answer.

"You think you and Rush will make it work? I mean come on, you and your failed relationships, screwing her sister and Rush? Not a chance." Nick replied.

Scotty waited. He wasn't going to go there with Nick, not now.

And as the silence continued, Nick suddenly put his head in his knees.

"My ex-wife is pregnant." He finally muttered. "She's going to have the life we had wanted and I'm alone."

"I'm sorry" Scotty replied. He had not realized how much Nick had wanted a family. He suddenly realized that Nick had been there for him when Elisa had died, but he never really tried to know what was going on in his life.

"She's been trying to call me all day. I went to see her after work today and I saw her, pregnant, happy...So I went to have a few drinks and here I am, with latin lover on the sidewalk...great." The words had a hard time coming out.

"Come on, let's get you home" Scotty said. He stood up, held his hand out and Nick took it.

They made their way to his apartment. Before Scotty left, he turned to Nick and said:

"You never know" he told Nick.

"Never know what?" Nick asked.

"Maybe you'll get that family." Scotty replied.

As he was on his way out, Nick called out:

"Hey tortilla?", Scotty turned: "Thanks"

* * *

Lilly woke up when she heard somebody knocking on the door. She quickly put a sweater on, and went downstairs: "Who's there?" She asked. "It's just me, Linda" the familiar voice replied. She smiled, opened the door and he hugged her, taking in her scent, her sleeping body.

"Everything alright?"

He didn't want to tell her about Nick's unhappiness at the moment, he didn't want to tell her that he was also worried about the future, that the alcoholized words of a co-worker and a friend did hit home to a certain extent. All he wanted was to feel her close: "Care for a sleepover?." She smiled, pulled him slightly more inside and closed the door. "Anytime, Scotty, anytime."

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**A/N**: Let me know what you think. I'm trying to develop a bit the relationships between the detectives and of course, keep on building the L/S blooming story. In the next chapter, more of the case, more L/S and a Stillman update. Please review!!! Please, pretty please, with sugar on top :-)


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N**: Here is Chapter 21...faster than I thought. I hope you enjoy it....Thanks for everybody who is reading this story and thank you also for the reviews. It makes me happy to know that you like it as I very much love writing it....

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Cold Case...nope...I don't.

* * *

**Chapter 21**

Lilly and Scotty were entangled together. Scotty's arm stretched protectively over her body, her leg unconsciously wrapped on top of his.

Her blond hair was disheveled on the pillow, their breathing was regular. They were deep in sleep when her alarm clock rang 6am.

Before saying a word, he hugged her bit more tightly, welcoming the warmth of her back against his chest. He kissed her hair, moved them away in a tender gesture and put his lips on her neck. She shivered.

"Morning Linda", he whispered while she grunted out of protest of being forced out of bed. He laughed: "You usually seem to be the type to be right up, the early type you know."

"I am .... once I got my coffee into my system" she replied.

"By the way, maybe you can call me something else than Linda, my first thought is always that you're talking to somebody else." She continued.

He let out a loud laugh.

"Feeling fisty this morning Lil?" He asked.

"hm hm" was the only reply he got out of her.

Their back and forth was interrupted by her cell phone ringing.

"A lover?" Scotty couldn't help but asking. He pretended to be joking. However, he really was afraid that somebody else might be in the race. He knew that she was definitely worth the battle but he was scared that Ray might resurface. If he was truthful with himself, he really was the only one who could lure her away. And he had enough fighting with the low odds of them making something work out, he didn't want extra distractions. He wouldn't say it out loud...A real man did not talk about these things he thought.

She didn't reply to him, simply turned her back on him, signaling that the phone call was an important one. He tried to listen more intensely, failing at recognizing what the conversation was about. It was difficult anyways since Lilly was only responding to the other person on the line by nodding her head. He wanted to tell her that this person couldn't see her but the way her body had stiffened during the past few minutes was his cue to know it was not a really good idea.

"I'll be there" she finally replied and hung up.

"Where?" He asked, when she finally turned back towards him.

"What's going on" he asked, worries taking over his tone of voice when he realized that Lilly's eyes were frozen. They seemed to not see him, to look past him and he wasn't really sure where they were. Thousands of thoughts were crossing his mind. He thought of Christina, of Nick, of Ray...and then he realized somebody else could make Lilly act so concerned but also so wary as the relationship she had with that person was one he didn't fully comprehend.

"Was it boss?" He finally questioned.

"no..." She started answering as she got up but something in her voice told him, he was going in the right direction.

"Care to tell me what's going on or should I just keep guessing?" He started to be angry, he didn't enjoy trying to get answers out of her and he wished they had passed that phase of her retreating into her own world when something was wrong. He thought that they had made progress in that direction, he knew they did when she had let him in the night before or when she had let him hold her when she was feeling so distraught over her mother.

She didn't reply and just hoped in the shower. When he heard the water running, he thought of looking at the cell phone, he didn't want to pry on her or anything but if she was not talking, he knew he could find answers other ways.

However, he couldn't bring himself to do it...there were certain lines he didn't want to cross and he was trying not to treat Lilly as just another suspect he had to get the truth out. His inner debate must have lasted longer than he thought cos' he jumped when he heard Lilly open the bathroom door. She was wrapped in a light blue towel, her hair still leaving drops of water on the floor. She had a small inquisitive smile on her face.

"So, did you?" She asked.

Scotty looked up incredulously, wondering if she maybe had a 6th sense that would explain why she was so good at her job.

"What?" he carefully replied, not wanting to give away too much in case she spoke of something else. The chance was slim, he knew it.

"Check my cell phone, Valens" She replied, seriously.

"No" He answered, honestly.

"It would be easier though if you shared information with me, that way I wouldn't have the sudden urge to go through your phone calls" He continued, anger lingering in his voice.

She seemed a bit destabilized by the tone.

"Fine." She finally murmured unwillingly.

He raised an eyebrow, surprised it had been that easy. She didn't finish to surprise him, after all.

"It was John's daughter. She is worried. She knows something is up with him but he wouldn't say what it is. Apparently, she just got the same information as we do except she knows the hospital where he's at, nothing more. She's not in town so she asked if I could pass by the hospital and try to figure out what's going on." She explained.

"Something I should have done earlier anyways." She added, ridden with guilt. He recognized the feeling since it was one of the many traits they had in common.

"Do you want me to come?" He asked, hopeful but knowing the answer.

"No" She replied and he shrugged.

"Now, that the interrogation is over. Do you mind if we get ready, I still need coffee." Her tone was still serious but he was relieved to see a very small smile on her face.

She grabbed some clothes and went back into the bathroom. Scotty made his way downstairs, patting the cats who seemed to be growing accustomed to his presence in their sanctuary and made the coffee.

When Lilly came down, she eagerly took the fuming cup he was handing her, she took notice of the worry shade his brown eyes had taken. She couldn't' understand how she didn't notice before that all his thoughts could be traced back to the way he was looking at her. "Not very observant detective" She thought.

She didn't really know how to let him more in her life that he already was. She was afraid of the implications their sort of relationship was taking but she also realized she was more scared to let her fears ruin everything.

She put her hand on his shoulder, feeling the chemistry of their body resurface. She fought the urge she suddenly felt to just wrap herself around him again.

"Thanks for coffee, Scotty." She whispered in her ear, hoping he'd knew that she was also thanking him for not pushing her limits, for not trying to make her say more about what she was feeling at the moment.

He turned towards her and felt relieved to see that the ice from her eyes was gone and he smiled, his cocky smile, the one which irritated her but also sent butterflies running through her stomach.

"No problem" He replied and she knew he understood what she had meant.

"I gotta get back to my apartment and take a shower. Can't make those two girls wait too long to see me...but really, Lil' only two women would be jealous?" He joked.

She shook her head in disbelief but laughed.

"You're unbelievable" She exclaimed, forgetting for one moment the worry she felt in her heart for Stillman's situation.

"I've been told it's a good thing...and by more than two women" He winked at her and she blushed slightly, remembering she had told him that once before in a very different situation. She pushed the image away and muttered: "Funny, Valens".

He kissed her on the cheek, not believing he could actually make Lilly Rush blush but quite happy to have this little power.

"I'll see you later, Linda..." He said. She nudged him...

"Uh, I mean Lilly" He continued and left the house.

Lilly looked around, confused for a moment, as she realized that even her kitchen seemed more alive when he was there.

She looked at the time, surprised to see that it was almost 8am. She rushed to get her things ready, called Jeffries to say she was going to be a bit late, not mentioning where she was heading to and as she knew it, Jeffries didn't ask any questions. Sometimes, she wondered if it was because he already had all answers but she didn't have time to ponder too much.

Her heart beat a bit faster as she made it to the hospital...She remembered when she was there, lying herself in a bed, the despair she had felt. It didn't seem that long ago and she shivered. She forced herself to knock on the door the reception indicated as being the one of Stillman.

As there was no answer, she slightly pushed it open...

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**A/N:** So....I hope you enjoyed it. The best way to let me know....is clicking that little review button ...Thanks!


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER 22**

She was definitely not prepared for what she saw. She was used of seeing Stillman as strong, as solid, even sometimes as a rock for her, taking care of his staff almost as if they were his own kids, especially her. She still remembered the first time she saw him. She was a beat up kid and she already trusted him back then even though she did not trust the world.

She did not make any noise when she approached the bed and sat on the lonely chair. She thought he was still sleeping but as she settled her purse on the floor, his voice made her jump:

"Rush, what are you doing here?" His tone was quite neutral but Lilly could recognize the anguish behind it.

"Well Boss, your daughter called and let me know where you were. She asked me to see if the hospital was treating you well." She replied, smiling.

"So, what should I tell her?"

"You should tell her that I'm ok." He answered quickly, turning his face away from her as he spoke. "And you should also tell her not to send my detectives to find me." He continued.

"Your detectives, as you call us, should have tried earlier to find you. I'm sorry." She pushed away his protests. "We really should have had. I think we all got too wrapped up in our own little worlds". She blushed slightly remembering what her world had consisted on these past days. He did not notice.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She asked.

"I just felt I had to do this alone. I did not know what to do." Stillman replied, still not looking at her.

"Why are you here exactly?" Lilly whispered.

"Cancer. I have cancer." Stillman shook his head. Saying the words out loud made it more real, made it scarier.

Lilly took a deep breath, closed her eyes, surprised again how it felt to be helpless. She did not want to let John know the effect of what he revealed to her. Her voice became quite clinical as she asked for more details.

"What type of cancer? What stage?"

"We're not sure about the exact stage yet. They're getting the tumor out. It's colon cancer."

"When is your surgery exactly scheduled?"

"Tomorrow. I just had to come in a bit early for some tests. I have not been at the hospital for as long as I was out of work. I took some personal leave. I had to think. I don't know any more about what?" He had a dry laugh. He turned to Lilly.

"Look at me, Lilly". She took a second to do as asked.

"I'm not doing well but I'm not dying yet. I'd appreciate if you could keep what you figured out for yourself. I will my daughter and update her on it, maybe."

Lilly shook her head as soon as she heard the words.

"I disagree. I'm sorry, Boss but it's not like you have nobody worried. We all wondered what is going on and to top it off, you have Jeffries going a bit crazy doing your job. Joke aside, you can't cut us off. It's not going to work and you know it. Scotty knew I was coming to see you. Do you think he may ask questions? Come on, Boss. Be realistic."

Stillman sighted.

"Somehow I knew you would say this. Can I tell you something then?"

"Sure"

"Be careful with your choices. It's so easy to end up alone."

"You're not alone."

"I felt alone and it's not pretty"/

"Ok."

"And Lilly?"

"Yes?"

"Did I ever tell you how proud I am of you?"

"Thank you" She closed her eye for a moment, pushing away the memory of the first time she had first met John Stillman, where she was just a little girl who had already lived too much for her age.

A nurse came in at that time, a big smile on her face.

"You finally got some visit? I'm glad you told your daughter!"

"I'm not his daughter but please take care of him as if he was my father:" She put her hand quickly on his and said:

"I'm talking to your daughter tonight and if the guys have question, I'll let them know where you are. You don't have to do this alone. I'll come back".

"I agree with what the lady just said, Mr. Stillman." The nurse said.

As soon as Lilly stepped out of the hospital, she let herself fall on a near-by bench and let some tears fall down her face. She did not want to fall apart but it suddenly seemed too much at once. The case was taking a toll on her; Christina was still missing; and now Stillman facing something none of them could do something about. It was not one of those times where you can dig and dig and find an answer. Or it was not one of those times where you can just say: "Stop doing this and everything will be fine." It was also not one of those times where she could try to be in control...

When she noticed that people were passing by observing her, she quickly stood up, dried her tears and took her cell phone.

"Scotty? I'm on my way to the office. I'll tell you all when I get there. How is everything? What do you mean? Ok, I'll meet you there directly. Scotty: can you do me favour? Please be careful. I know, I know...but whenever there is a gun involved...it could go wrong."

She ran to her car and started driving towards the retirement home.


End file.
